Published on 12, July, 2020
I have been thinking recently about masking and the various means that one uses to mask. It has occurred to me, that the use of a ‘passive voice’ in my communication, is a big part of the way I write and speak.
I can remember all the way back to college, that tutors used to comment on my ‘wordiness’, I well-achieved (D*D*D*) in College but kids always used to say “You’re not that smart are you? You just write a lot”. The implication being that I was obscuring my lack of understanding. The more I’ve written, the better I have gotten at writing, but I still write a lot. I find that every now and again I take on a new element of language, but I always write a lot and I never reread, I just speed-write to victory. In my speech I do talk a lot, talking about anything at length and for length, I enjoy getting my thoughts out and enjoy how language is constructed in my head. But I also speak longer words and phrases in a disagreeable situation, to offset any aggressive reaction to my imperative, I find that a great rhetorical-tool can be found in elongated words and phrases and sentences.
I have thought that: Maybe it is because I have enjoy vocabulary but not grammar, or maybe it is because I never formally-learned grammar at school, or maybe I abandoned the ‘active voice’ as a means of non-detection and non-confrontation. It may even have been, a kind-of speed writing that I developed, to safely expose myself to writing and speech.
It has not been the case, that all the individuals that I know (who have an Autism Spectrum Condition), have a circumlocutory communication style. I have known some ASC individuals, to be very literal and active in their communication, and no less intelligent.
So I guess I am just interested to know: How this style of communication sits-with and is experienced by the community? Why the community thinks it occurs? Is it born of the environment and exposure? Is it a repetitive action or an interest? Is it a means of evasion or development? Is it the result of the level of skill attainment?
For me, it's not masking exactly- it's an attempt to provide clarification when communicating with neurotypical people, because my natural tendency to be concise and precise with language seems to really annoy them. I find that if I say only exactly what I want to say, I'm considered abrupt, or interpreted as implying something horrible. So then I desperately try to clarify literally everything I've said, and that takes me a while.
Of course, then they get annoyed at me for 'protesting too much' or 'not knowing when to shut up', so I'm not entirely sure why I bother!
The irony is that we are only trying to appease their need, to have everyone conform to the standards of communication, I actually am perfectly happy not to be ‘social’ at all.
When I am in a conversation, I have very little understanding of the politics involved, I’m literally just running the protocol of-least-resistance or spouting my interests (not that anyone is interested in what they want me to say).I never used to talk to anyone when I was in the office, because I can’t focus on more than one thing, my mask used to drop and people used to dismiss me from socials as a robot. I didn’t feel depressed until people started to point out that I looked depressed, it seems like you can’t just passively apply a system long-term, you have to actively play the game of office politics. So I know what you mean..:)