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Moving on from your past/ letting go of the pain

NAS85436

Hello, I am a new voice to the community. I have been reading through all the tragic stories from people who have been late-diagnosed. Their experiences have clearly left some very deep wounds which still remain unhealed; others seem to have found a way of moving on from their past. 

I would be really interested to hear about how people have discovered their way through it all. I am a parent of a late diagnosed daughter (with some Autistic traits myself). There are many celebrity stories out there of success despite their neurodiversity, but I think that peer experiences are so much more powerful and meaningful. Anyone in a position to shine some beacons of hope? 

Sue 

Parents

  • I don't really have an answer, I'm just muddling through, two years after diagnosis (I was thirty-seven when diagnosed). I've been distracted for some of that time by getting married, which has probably helped me feel that my life is going into a new phase. As Martin says, I feel glad that I can forgive myself for some mistakes, but on the downside, I feel sad that I am probably never going to achieve many of the things I would like to achieve or would see as the parameters of a "good life." I try not to judge this by other people's criteria, but even by my own criteria, it is hard to see myself as a success. Perhaps the thing to do would be not to judge myself at all, but there are too many personal and societal factors to allow me to do that, and I am too afraid I would waste my life without some targets.

    I actually feel resentful of the celebrity stories as there is a survivorship bias there. The media only publicises the stories of the few who do well, not the many who don't. I find these stories put implicit pressure on me to do things I am unlikely to ever manage and to feel like a failure if I don't do them.

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  • I don't really have an answer, I'm just muddling through, two years after diagnosis (I was thirty-seven when diagnosed). I've been distracted for some of that time by getting married, which has probably helped me feel that my life is going into a new phase. As Martin says, I feel glad that I can forgive myself for some mistakes, but on the downside, I feel sad that I am probably never going to achieve many of the things I would like to achieve or would see as the parameters of a "good life." I try not to judge this by other people's criteria, but even by my own criteria, it is hard to see myself as a success. Perhaps the thing to do would be not to judge myself at all, but there are too many personal and societal factors to allow me to do that, and I am too afraid I would waste my life without some targets.

    I actually feel resentful of the celebrity stories as there is a survivorship bias there. The media only publicises the stories of the few who do well, not the many who don't. I find these stories put implicit pressure on me to do things I am unlikely to ever manage and to feel like a failure if I don't do them.

Children