Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm not the most observant of people - in fact, I'm Artistic, and am on the wrong forum - but even I have noticed the billions of fans of Doctor Thingy on this board. And so, in the interests of intergalactic harmony and for a miniscule fee, I offer the forum members of that persuasion the chance of a lifetime, or perhaps several regenerations: an opportunity to meet and romance the Whovian of your dreams!
Yes, you could be celebrating next year's Valentine's Day in the arms or metallic tentacles of the one you love. I will generously make all the matchmaking arrangements, simply by annoying the objects of your desires until they lose the will to live and agree to a date with you in a cafe in which I have no commercial or financial interests whatsoever. Shout-out to Steven's Cafe ltd. Anyway, all you have to do beforehand is reply here, telling the entire forum and the whole internet about your highly secret and private crush. So, what are you waiting for? Just look at these reviews from my satisfied clients:
'I'm suing you, you robbing git' - Mrs Ethel Pizza, Yorks.
'You set me up with my mum...' - Who fan, Glasgow.
'Leave me alone, you maniac' - The Master, space.
'Not a-bloody-gain...' - Q̶u̶e̶e̶n̶ ̶P̶o̶p̶e̶ ̶ Princess Sparkly, Sparkly HQ.
'Thanks to Steven's life-changing Dating Hair & Makeover Service, I'm a whole new person - previously, people said that I looked like a little old man; NOW they say I look like a little old woman' - Steven, Tardis Portakabin.
Photograph: Sparkly (centre) models her new shoes
There's been surprisingly little response so far.
I'm a married man! Well, half-married, but I'll be fully married soon.
I couldn't find a Doctor Who fan, so I found a non-fan and converted her, to the point where she, without any prompting from me, has enthusiastically suggested Tom Baker/Lalla Ward cosplay...
Wow. Er, which story?
The schoolgirl outfit came from the purest of intentions and you can kind of tell. It’s stylish rather than, er… you know. Anyway Lalla said she wanted young girls who watched the show to not hate their own school uniforms so much so if Romana was wearing one… protesting too much? I don’t know, I believe her. June Hudson designed some amazing costumes for Lalla. The full circle one is lush and her Brighton outfit is adorable.
She actually wants to do several! She likes the City of Death schoolgirl costume (not for kinky reasons!), the Destiny of the Daleks one where she wears a pink and white version of the Doctor's costume, the Leisure Hive sailor suit and also the Full Circle costume. She actually described Romana 2 as a "style icon"! Bear in mind that my wife describes her own sartorial taste as "Edwardian child" and you can see why she likes some of those costumes!