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Dating

Isadora

My mum and dad want me to get a boyfriend but I don't know if I should. Do you think it's worth it? Would I cope? I don't know whether I should try or not. 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    If they could answer it they wouldn't have asked would they

  • Your parents see their peers with neurotypical children and want to see their child do exactly the same things, it’s so much harder for autistic people, I spent all my teenage years wanting a girlfriend, as with most of us, I got called weird. Don’t do anything you are not happy with, there’s nothing wrong with having a male or female friend but you set the rules, you can just be friends and see how that goes. Without going too deep, we are vulnerable people, just be your brilliant self and do what you are happy with, don’t do things because someone wants you to.

  • I can think of tons of good reasons to try dating. … because your parents want you to is not one of them. What do you want?

  • It's sounds like theyre expecting to buy one from a shop!

    Don't get a boyfriend for the sake of it.  Going looking for one can also lead to a lot of rejection both ways.  

    When you meet someone that you find you connect with, then think about whether you want a romantic relationship with that person.

    Some theoretical guy that you don't know yet isn't going to be an attractive partner.

  • If you need to ask, then I might suggest you're not ready. They're not just for Christmas, which might be a good response to your parents. You can't just 'get' one from the shop and discard them when you're done. You certainly don't want one doing this with you.

    I would also suggest there's a great deal of difference between a boyfriend and a partner. One might become the other, but over the years I've found that if I care about values which build friendship and matters of respect, then finding someone to 'do life with' to some capacity or another (not as a practice run), takes a little more effort. One needs to be able to say "I'm not interested" or "This makes me uncomfortable" without feeling uncomfortable when in a relationship with another. 

  • Don't do anything that you are not happy with in yourself. I went through many years, when younger, desperately wanting a romantic relationship. I did eventually find one and have been married for 26 years now. If you do not have a strong desire for a romantic relationship, do not try to achieve this for any other person's sake, including your parents.

  • I feel you have asked a question that only you can answer. If you don't feel 100% sure, then I would be inclined to think that maybe you're not ready to have a relationship yet.