I'm a 30 year old woman. I've struggled through all my school and my working life (mainly as a fork-lift truck driver) and with my limited social life. Apart from all the bullying, I had what one would consider a normal childhood. I struggled at schools and work becuse of my lack of understanding people, and thier intentions and motives, also what they meant, as I found life confusing all the time, and could not really understand why. I did not have many friends, and 90% of my time was spent entertaining myself, by choice, and spending a lot of time reading or out in the country making bows and arrows, nature trailing etc.
I didn't know then how to go about making friends, and even so, I was always very weary of their motives. I was picked on mainly for being a "keen bean" as I was very good at my English literature and language, and was very intelligent, but also because my "face did not fit in". My parents were not supportive of the issues I faced at school. I got stressed and upset a lot as I just did not understand things, which the other kids did, easily.
I've struggled for years, even more so as I have got older, as I feel something is not right. After 14 years of going from job to job to job, I have taken the time to study if I may have Aspergers Syndrome, as I tick almost every box of the symptoms and descriptions of AS. After doing official online Aspergers tests over the past few months, and avergaing an AS score of 36 (which is very high), along with all the other information I have been reading, comparing what I am experiencing against what Aspergers is, I feel I do have Aspergers Syndrome. I have took the first step in seeking a formal diagnosis by booking an appointment with a doctor, as I feel I need an official recognition of what is wrong (should they find it to be Aspergers), as I feel this would really help me and others who know me understand me and why I behave the way I do, including employers.
Social situations I struggle with. I find it very difficult to make any new friends, as I don't really know how to go about it properly. I have a few close friends, of whom I have had for many years. I do not have a large circle of friends, by my own choice, because of how I am. I have had over 32 jobs, as most companies, I imagine, could not cope with how I am, as I don't tolerate authority and don't know how to handle it. I struggle to understand what others would consider easy to understand, this also has cost me jobs. I have to have things said in an even easier way, and sometimes that is not possible, as there is no other way of putting it, and this leaves me confused, very anxious, and somewhat lost as to what to do.
I have to concentrate so hard on my persona when I am out with/around other people, as I keep having to constantly remind myself that I need to "act right", even though I am unsure myself what this entails, so I copy how others are acting, so I don't look out of place.
I find it difficult, if not impossible to cope when my routine is interrupted in any way, and I get very upset and stressed easily. I can't be rushed by anyone, as if someone rushes me, I get so flustered, stressed and upset, its quite hard for me to deal with, and nobody seems to acknowledge this or understand why it stresses me so much.
I insist on having set ways of doing things, and I stick to them tooth and nail, and don't like them to be inteferred with in any way. I would rather do something myself than to have someone else not do it up to my high standards.
I'm easily scared and get very anxious if someone raises their voice or shows any sign of aggression, and I am very quick to leave the scene as soon as possible. I am not a fan of bright lights, loud noises (strangely with the exception of fireworks!), crowds, loud music.
I have a wonderful Son who is 14 months old, and I am very blessed with such a good baby, I cannot fault him in any way. His arrival has NOT been hard to deal or cope with at all, and I have found it quite easy to be honest.
I joined a baby group in January 2013 to get us out and about more and for him to interact with other babies/toddlers. However its very hard for me to be around these people, as I struggle so much to talk to them or go about raising conversations on any topics, as I find it difficult to, therefore I am probably seen as "odd" by the other parents for not socialising, however the staff there are great and talk to me all the time, so I don't feel too alone.
Thank you for reading.
