Lying in bed all weekend

The isolation part is familiar. I usually avoid bumping into my flatmates in the kitchen, either by waiting until they are all finished with cooking, or going out for food (somehwere that has self-checkouts). I like chatting to them occasionally, but if I'm tired I just can't deal with the interaction.

It can be sort of therapeutic to be by yourself and clean/tidy/organise your thoughts and listen to music or something. You might need to do that sometimes (especially if your job involves talking to people). Sure it's better if you can also eat healthy food and go outside for fresh air/excercise, but don't be too hard on yourself :) 

I started drinking those meal replacement drinks when I am burnt out or stressed. It removes the need to make decisions about what to eat, and it's supposed to contain all the foodgroups. You could try that, it's probably cheaper than takeaway anyway :D or just cook pasta or baked beans on toast. Very easy and fast.

Sometimes I think it can be hard to gauge why an autistic individual is doing nothing; sometimes we are in shutdown, sometimes we are experiencing poor executive function, and sometimes we are just feeling low energy.  
I have a history, at times, of only finding the will power to do-a-thing when I am avoiding something worse. There have been times when I have made myself more uncomfortable so that I can do the less uncomfortable thing.

Hi- I understand! I hope you manage to get the rest you need! and please take care of yourself- it might also be as sign that your working week is putting a lot of stress on you/ is very draining.... if there is any way you could make the week itself less draining that would be ideal. There is nothing wrong with resting and lying in bed but we deserve to also have energy left for free time ... 

Yes, when the weekend finally arrives I'm laying basically dead in bed, especially on Saturdays. I have absolutely no energy left for doing anything. If I have to do something during the weekend, especially that I can't do from bed, the following week will be awful. But sadly no one understands that so I rarely get a day for just resting.

Because my family are traditional Catholics and believe in the principles of traditional ultra strict discipline as being everything, they appear to be following Catholic social teaching regarding disability and mental health issues after consulting with the local Parish Priest in my home parish who is well versed in Canon Law - long before my diagnosis, people here and in my former supermarket workplace expressed strong disapproval of my living alone in a council property and they want a whole team of professionals to come in and manage my condition - they have even contacted a number of religious orders of Catholic priests and nuns around Manchester to see if a priest or a nun can come in as a live in carer in order to fulfil certain religious obligations as defined by them without any reference to what I may need or want (as I’m deemed to be always wrong because of my condition) 

What would you prefer? When I moved into my own 1 room apartment after flat sharing, it was like a huge burden was lifted- finally i was able to relax more and breathe... I hadn’t realised how much of a stress sharing put on me until I was removed from that environment. I didn’t know I was autistic at time. I now know that living on my own is very important to me. At times I thought maybe making myself live with others would be good to make me socialise more but I don’t think that works for me- I never fit in and I need my space and to be able to carefully dose my social interactions and have somewhere to retreat and recuperate from the stresses of world. 
Why are your family concerned about you living alone? 

Interesting perspectives here - before my diagnosis, I was always told by family that I should never have a flat share and live alone, but since my diagnosis in later life, they are now telling me that I must have a live-in carer to have the ultra strict discipline that they maintain is essential to managing my condition 

Living alone 20 years at age 52 now, even during the 3 years that I was unemployed and during Covid lockdowns, I’ve always been very self-disciplined about sleeping in daytime and going to bed at a proper time (9pm for a 5am wake up, leave at 6am for a 7am start for example) as I find that I can't sleep at night if I sleep in daytime and on following nights - yet, even though I do this, I sometimes still can’t sleep at night so I’m very careful about my sleep patterns - travelling on overnight trains, coaches and ferries from the U.K. home to Ireland can be a nightmare, as I can’t sleep on coaches and there is no chance of getting a cabin for the 3 hour ferry crossing from Holyhead to Dublin - when I arrive where I’m staying in Ireland early morning, especially with family, they now know that the first thing I want to do is sleep ASAP and for a few hours, then I wake up and have a meal before going to bed at the normal time - it’s almost like all-night clubbing or jet-lag but in one way much worse 

NAS84635 said:

I meant to work on projects all weekend, cook my own meals, and get out for a picnic and did not. 

and so be it, don't be hard on yourself for that.

it's good you noticed that your batteries for socialising, and other stress and anxiety producing activities are almost out and allowed them to recharge in solitude.

Constantly pushing oneself past threshold is the fastest way to burnout. and that's nasty thing you'd rather avoid.

I suspect that Covid has changed a lot of this for most of us - having been made redundant from my last supermarket job of 17 years in Sept 2019, I was unemployed for 3 years before my current hotel job just over a year ago and it involves much earlier starts at 7am - I tried to have the self-discipline of going to bed early and getting up early before this “new” job despite living alone here in the U.K. and missing family in Ireland, connecting online with them as much as possible, especially during U.K. and Irish lockdown restrictions (Ireland’s lockdowns and travel restrictions being far stricter and much longer lasting than the U.K.) when I am off, I still get up early to do stuff that requires concentration as it gets too noisy later on 

I also found the smells of other people's cooking very stressful to deal with, when they are strong smells or ones I don't like, or if there are multiple going on at once, it's overwhelming. I wish I could switch the sense of smell off sometimes, it stresses me out and I have to leave to get away from it.

I can relate to that- It was really hard for me to live with other people. Student accommodation at my uni was relatively ok because it was quite impersonal and I felt like I had my own space. The university also cleaned communal areas regularly (which in a way makes me feel spoilt but I understand why it is necessary), which really helped as I have a very low tolerance for mess especially in kitchen. Initially we didn't have a proper kitchen so I had some illegal hobs in my room... and later on luckily the kitchen wasn't so busy as I really don't like to cook or eat around people. 

But when I first lived in a flatshare in Germany it was super hard. In my first week I remember coming home and finding a large group of people (like 6 or more) loudly talking and cooking in the kitchen, cooking stuff with onions too (which I don't tolerate well and the smell was very triggering). I remember panicking and it was so stressful that the roommate hadn't warned me that guests were coming- She thought I was being utterly ridiculous as for them it was very normal to just bring people to visit spontaneously... The other girls living there were nice but for me it was hard. I often waited until everyone was gone from kitchen or quickly grabbed stuff and hid in my room. Also when I was working late or had a weird rhythm it was always awkward as I was worried about disturbing people when cooking at 10pm (as they were in bed then already...)- so I constantly also felt like I had to be on guard to not disturb anyone else.... My next flat-sharing experiences in Germany were even worse... I now know that I just can't cope with that... so I totally understand that you would rather not eat to avoid having to face flatmates... I don't think I could cope with sharing again... 

Yes, it is often the same for me. I tend to do nothing at all at the weekends, because I have to recharge. I call it decomposing. I sleep a lot, do nothing, have no obligations. It's the only way I can recover from burnout at least slightly.

It was very difficult for me when I had to live with other people. I used to go without eating for example, because I could hear people in the kitchen and the effort of having to talk to others was so draining that I'd rather starve.

Thanks :)

Thanks- Yes I did regularly work more than 8 hours for a while, and 1-2 days at weekends too... though recently it has been quieter and I have had days with far less than 8 hours but I am just so burntout, everything is too much... But at least I have some flexibility in terms of hours. And I am actually from today on sick leave as I just couldn't cope anymore. 

Working in customer service sounds hard as I presume you will have to be around people all day? 

I hope you get some more time to relax :) Have a good day!! 

Yeah, long work hours during the week are difficult. Did you work more than 8 hours a day? I usually work for 8 hours a day only, in customer service, but I think with other jobs you sometimes go over your shift limit, for example as a teacher or a lawyer. I hope you felt okay, and that you don’t feel physically ill anymore, I feel worse too during the day when I start to get exhausted by work, or by school as a kid and teenager.

I wonder if my burn out is to do with just feeling anxious around other people because of executive functioning, like I feel like a hamster on a wheel trying to catch up to everyone’s level.

When I’m around people I feel happy around like my mum or my brother; or when it’s Christmas holidays I am far more relaxed, and when I’m less busy I have healthier mental health. Stressors burn me out a lot.

I hope you’re having a lovely Monday :)

Hi- I relate to this a lot- I would work super hard and long hours during the week (and on weekend too sometimes) and then whenever I had a day off, I would feel physically ill from exhaustion and be incapable of doing almost anything... It's frustrating because I feel almost worse then and don't have the energy to do anything fun (and also don't really have a hobby I like at present). If I'm in that state I don't have the energy to go for coffee with a friend either ... socialising does take energy and when I am so exhausted there is just not enough energy left for that.

In terms of flat-sharing, I can relate to that too- I used to flatshare too and I luckily have my own place now and it is such a relief... and I don't think I could cope with sharing again... it's a two way thing too- I have some weird habits- sometimes I get hungry at night and want to use the kitchen then or I work odd hours ... but when flat sharing I would always feel bad doing this and avoid it or if I had to it would be super stressful... And the constant drain of possibly having to deal with other people... it was such a relief when I finally had my own space...

I think you need to be kind to yourself- i can see that it feels frustrating that you didn't have the energy to work on projects, cook and go for the picnic... but it sounds like you just didn't have the energy. 

I think maybe it would be important though to look at your work and schedule during the week because being so exhausted on weekend suggests that it is taking a toll on you. Is there anything you could do to reduce the amount of energy your working week saps from you? Because you deserve to have energy for other things too. I sadly haven't figured this out myself but I am just concerned these could be warning signs that you might be heading for burnout... because that is what it was like for me. I would be so so exhausted every time I had a day off but then I would just pull myself together and put even more energy into my work as it made me feel more 'useful' and productive and temporarily woke me up.... but after doing that for a long time I am now severely burnt-out. 

And if you feel like you need to rest a lot on weekend and just feel like lying in bed and relaxing and watching things, please give yourself the rest you need with no guilt!! You need it! 

I hope that maybe you find a way to make your week less draining so that you do have the energy in the future to do the activities you would like to do on the weekend! 

In terms of not cooking, I think that is perfectly fine too. I am actually at the moment living pretty much only off ready meals (I try to go for the healthier options mostly- there is so so much choice)- I felt really bad about this and kept putting pressure on myself to try and cook but my dietitian helped to abate those worries somewhat- She said that it is perfectly possible to have a healthy diet without cooking and agreed that I just do not have the energy or capacity for cooking at this point and should stop worrying about it. 

The amount of take out was a bit extreme on my part