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Pronouns...

I Sperg

Today I learned that one of my adult child's Friends Lorna now goes by the name Loz and identifies as male.  

Apparently if  am not to cause offence I now need to rejig a couple of decades of being vaguely aware of this person as a very feminine looking girl through to young woman and refer to Loz as HE in conversation from now on.

Loz's boyfriend apparently has had to make psychological adjustments that make my issues look trivial in comparison, but apparently he will do that for love.... 

Funny old world innit?

I will say this: The next time my o/h decides to crack wise at my expense, we'll see how she likes being effectively in a lesbian relationship for a while.. The cheapest way to go trans I've figured is to also change my faith at the same time. No biggie, we worship the same god, just in a diverse way.... Then al I need is a cheap and cheerful bhurka to chuck over the "cargo pants and tee", and the job is done! 

(I think I'll keep that one "in the hopper" for if my personal war of the sexes battlefield situation demands "special weapons" one day) We seem to be in a period of detente right now, so maybe I'll hold off ordering the bhurka...

Parents

  • Thinking about your recent post where you appeared to be actively pleading with NAS friends to un-friend you, my first thought upon reading this post was to question if you might be intentionally trying to provoke people. A case of, "They ignored my pleas, so now I'll have to up my game." Wink

    For what it's worth, I did not take offence at this post of yours, and I felt I 'got' what you were trying to say.

    As a heterosexual woman in my late forties, I openly admit that I struggle to get my head around this 'pronouns' business. Not because I think it's wrong or have an issue with people that identify as being non-binary, but because 'pronouns' (in the context of non-binary) are a relatively recent thing. I can't remember when it was that Eddie Izzard had announced that 'they' wanted to be referred to as they/them, but I frequently find myself slipping up and referring to they/them as he/him.

    To my mind, trying to remember that a she/her or he/him is now a they/them, is not that dis-similar to trying to make a conscientious to remember that Josephine Bloggs (who we have known for many years) is no longer a 'Miss' and now goes by the name of 'Mrs Josephine Jones'. 

    Despite being born in an era where homophobia and racism were rife, my parents had liberal attitudes, which I believe rubbed off on me. We would watch the likes of 'Alf Garnett' and laugh. Not because we agreed with the character's views, but because his bigoted beliefs seemed so ridiculous to us. 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    As a heterosexual woman in my late forties, I openly admit that I struggle to get my head around this 'pronouns' business. Not because I think it's wrong or have an issue with people that identify as being non-binary, but because 'pronouns' (in the context of non-binary) are a relatively recent thing. I can't remember when it was that Eddie Izzard had announced that 'they' wanted to be referred to as they/them, but I frequently find myself slipping up and referring to they/them as he/him.

    I can see that you genuinely care enough to try so can I give you some advice that might help?

  • in reply to 🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs

    That's a kind offer Sam. In the real world, I've not found myself in a situation like the one 'Sperg' described, but I imagine that if I was, I would probably find myself explaining that I would try my best, but to allow for slip-ups as and when they may occur.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Ah that's okay I'll just share then incase it helps. And maybe it will help others who get stuck with it.

    If you are unsure of the pronoun, he/she/they etc, you can always use the persons's name if you know it. So it stops being stuff like "they went to the shop" it would be "Sam went to the shop" and rather than "that's their shopping bag" it would be "that's Sam's shopping bag". And it will always be correct because their name is their name. Also they usually introduce themselves with their name, even if not with their pronouns. So you tend to be able to use it as a good default.

    Also if you want to persevere with trying singular they as a default for Nonbinary people you can think of it the same was as not knowing if they are a man or woman, you can remember it like how I'm about to relay an event to you now: Yesterday someone delivered a parcel to my door and I do not know them or their gender but that's okay because they don't need me to know their gender to deliver a parcel. :)

    Or alternatively if you get stuck in the single vs plural hiccup in your head you can try imagine the person you are talking to is actually a swarm of friendly bees stacked up under some human clothes.


    (That's the advice I give people if they ask about my pronouns anyway and for the most part it seems to help.)

    Also we really do appreciate people who at least try and don't give up even if they fluff it sometimes, just a quick apology and to move the conversation swiftly on should do the trick. No need to beat yourself up.

    BZzzzzzz Bee


    And speaking of Eddie and bees:

    www.youtube.com/watch