Anyone else get anticipation anxiety build up and physical symptoms?

Autonomistic said:

My theory is that this fixation relates to the autistic monotropic way of thinking. Interruptions are hard for me to cope with. Therefore it is better for me not to start something until I know that this 'interruption' is out of the way. It is also a need for resolution and certainty.

I understand that, since I was relying on the adhesive in the parcel to complete my craft project due to be done and handed in the next day. And my jobs/planned events go in an order so I can cope with the sheer mass of stuff I have to do it's organised into priority and if one being done first will help the other then that has to be done first because it just is more effective that way. But I can get stuck, like not just physically stuck like I was talking about in this post because the project wasn't going to get done to be handed in without the glue to make it in the first place. But also emotionally stuck, even if there's nothing physically stopping me from just moving onto the next job in the list something inside my head just is really profoundly upset that I didn't get the job (that was supposed to be done first) done first before the next one. I fixate on it because that's what I'm expecting. I'd carefully made an actionable schedule for myself allowing for some wiggle room and worst case scenarios, but like the delivery example because I really thought I was gonna get the thing in a very specific time frame it really upset my expectations when it didn't work that way.

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

and there's both the involuntary version because our brains are predisposed to hyperfocus, especially where a strong emotion is involved, and a voluntary version because I already have the capability to be hyperfocused so it just takes finding the right trigger to engage it for me

^That^ was especially helpful to me. Thank you again.

Well I'm happy to help. :)

You know, your post made everything I tormented myself about completely clear to me. That's amazing. Thank you so much. 

My behaviour is automatically shaped by one degree or another by me being autistic regardless since I can't turn being autistic off. I'm saying hyperfocus is just hyperfocus it's prevalent in autists but not limited to autists, meaning technically not all hyperfocus is autistic. Mine is tho because I am autistic. And hyperfocus is innately morally and disadvantage vs advantage neutral, it can be good or bad (which can be objective or subjective), and there's both the involuntary version because our brains are predisposed to hyperfocus, especially where a strong emotion is involved, and a voluntary version because I already have the capability to be hyperfocused so it just takes finding the right trigger to engage it for me.

I made a diagram to explain it better as I always worry I'm not explaining things well verbally.

Sam, I realise this is a very tough question but I have to ask (in the context of what we're discussing): is there a line between 'your behaviour' and 'your autistic behaviour'? Because, granted that I'm admittedly uneducated about autism, I'm stuck on pondering the clichéd question: 'Where do I begin and end, and where does Autistic I begin and end?'

You mean if you need a poo and they haven't come all day you can count on s*ds law they will arrive on your doorstep the second your bum touches the toilet seat? Because that is some weird fact, and not something Postman Pat ever prepared us for tbh. XD

Sorry I have to catch up on replies late (had a heck of a night last night and a rough day today, so just reading now.)

No, actually both make sense to me, there are things that are involuntarily focused on, (ie, I can never ignore if a public toilet is filthy) but also things I can specifically turn my focus to because I want to: Usually that takes time to build interest, doing superficial exploration of a subject until I can find what an author would refer to as "a hook" then once properly invested spending time on it doesn't feel so much like a chore because it's joined my pantheon of special interests.

I’ve tried to put that as delicately as I can

You can be sure as well that as the mounting anticipatory stress builds the inevitable digestive results will result in the ‘perfect’ intersection of taking a desperate ‘no choice’ gamble to ‘go’ and the door being rapped by the latecomer. 

Yes i agree, strategy implies wilful choice.how strange

It's interesting to me how the example of waiting for a delivery resonated so much for so many of us. I don't leave the house much so I order a lot of my day-to-day stuff online, and I feel so anxious everyday while waiting for the postman. And then if something doesn't arrive when I'm expecting it I get super stressed out The only alternative for me is to stop ordering online and actually go and buy stuff in store but that would be even MORE stressful lol.

I simply don't DO "anticipation".

I found that real life is almost never as good as I anticipate, so for example with a delivery, even something I really want, having ordered it, until it arrives I put it from my mind. When It arrives, it's like a pleasant surprise, instead if "finally it's here". If the expected delivery date goes by, then I note that, and give it a couple more days before taking interest. 

My goto method of dealing with anxiety which really came to me in the Army when I found myself half way up a climb and frozen with terror is:

1. Consolidate: Make sure your present position is safe enough to allow you to stop and think. Be thankful of that then move on to step 2.

2. Consider your options and situation and work out what is the best course of action. Remain thankful that you can stop and think.

3. Take the correct action that you have worked out. (I had 2 options, when it came down to it, down or up. Since I'd now found that it was perfectly safe if I didn't move, which sadly was not an option I could select in the long term, and the summit was (way) closer than the ground, then continuing upwards involved less danger overall than trying to descend would, so up I went. And then we abseiled down into a chasmy cavey thing. Good times...) 

I don't know if that helps but I've had cause to do it on other occasions and it's helped me alright.

In response to your question Sam (the title of your post), I would say sometimes, as opposed to always. If I was awaiting the delivery of something I required for the following day, I think I would most likely feel a growing sense of frustration, followed by immense relief when the item was eventually delivered (before it was required). However, if I needed to attend something like a medical appointment, the anticipation of it would certainly cause me to feel anxious and trigger physical symptoms. 

If I had given up waiting for a delivery to arrive, then I too would have felt startled by the sound of fists unexpectedly pounding on my front door (or in my case, the doorbell ringing). To be honest, even if I'm expecting a phone call at a pre-arranged time, the sound of my phone ringing can be enough to make me jump out of my skin.

Anyway, whilst I sympathise with how your ordeal caused you to feel, I am relieved that your delivery came... eventually.

Hopefully, I've simply misunderstood or am ignorant of the possible (benign) intent and/or the technical meaning, and am just over-sensitive due to recent behaviours of mine.

I don't know why the word 'strategy' is used in the wiki introduction. The autistic way of thinking is not something that we actively choose. I think something must have got lost in translation there.

Monotropism is actually a theory of autism developed by autistic people https://monotropism.org/

Some more reliable explanations https://monotropism.org/explanations/

I had to look the word 'monotropic' up. When I did, I found that I have a real problem with the word 'strategy' in this introduction:

'Monotropism is a cognitive strategy posited to be the central underlying feature of autism. A monotropic mind is one that focuses its attention on a small number of interests at any time, tending to miss things outside of this attention tunnel.'

I get that this behaviour possibly can be viewed as a strategy - perhaps as a way of coping - but the word is problematic: it implies that we deliberately choose to (for instance) become obsessive. I don't find that this is the case *at all*. I hope I've misunderstood, and the summary is not meant to blame people like us for behaviours we often can't help.

That is so spooky because I was about to post something similar and then I saw your post.

I get like that when I'm expecting a delivery. It's all I can focus on and I cannot concentrate on anything else until it is over. I find myself constantly refreshing the tracking page for any updates. My usually anxious state becomes even more anxious than usual. I am hyper alert and primed ready for that knock on the door. I still physically jump and experience other symptoms of anxiety when it does arrive.

In my case it was an Amazon parcel that was out for delivery yesterday but did not arrive. It was out for delivery again today. I found myself completely fixated on the matter and constantly refreshing the tracking page today, to the expense of everything else I had had planned to do. My logical brain tells me that this reaction was completely out of proportion to the situation and an overreaction. It's not even as if I needed the items urgently as you did. Finally the parcel was delivered this afternoon and I could put a closure onto the matter and move on to something else... like posting about the experience on here 

My theory is that this fixation relates to the autistic monotropic way of thinking. Interruptions are hard for me to cope with. Therefore it is better for me not to start something until I know that this 'interruption' is out of the way. It is also a need for resolution and certainty.

I hate that type of loud aggressive door knocking that you experienced today. That would induce a physical reaction in me too. It is a subconscious reminder of traumatic events in the past which have involved aggressive knocking on the door. I also get very anxious about opening the door when the neighbours dogs are barking at the delivery driver. It is a sensory anxiety about putting myself into a situation where the noise might be overwhelming, both the noise at the door and whatever noise I might let in when I open it. I can see how others might think this is an overreaction but to me it isn't.

In the past I have tried to deal with this anxiety by having my parcels delivered to a locker or store pick up point. That way I was more in control of the process and could choose the time and the place when I would deal with the delivery. Of course that is much more inconvenient than home delivery but it does have more certainty around the process.

I'm grateful to people who deliver things to me. Unfortunately, they're not to know that a sudden and loud knocking at the door is terrifying for me. It's the damage that others can't often see; thankfully, people here may understand.