Do you ever dream ?

My most recent nightmare, from two nights ago: 

I was for some reason living in Canada and couldn’t afford a place and by happenstance a couple needed a lodger to make up some extra cash. Turned out to be Steven and Erika who are a married couple who each have a Doctor Who podcast and occasionally guest on each other’s. They were lovely to me to start with, we had Doctor Who in common, and it was going to be a (quiet) blast. Within about two days it turned into a nightmare. Little things at first - like why did you bring so much stuff? Erika would be directly confrontational about it (‘look if I’m honest I’m really disappointed in you that you lied about not bringing clutter…’ ‘it’s just for my own room, but…. Ok I’ll get rid of these things’) Steven less so but a real passive aggressive vibe was there and then Erika would be telling me the next thing ‘he’s too nice to say to you. He’ll defend you over stuff that’s making his life miserable’ ‘Just tell me what I need to change’ ‘I shouldn’t have to!’ There was also a weird thing where to get up to the apartment there was only a thin banister rail, the. Stairs were gone. And I had to carry the shopping up like that. When I got to the top I was suddenly too scared to move in case I fell and Erika came out, had a startle reflex that I was even there, then told me off for being silly enough to stop when momentum was all that was needed. And that nobody else had ever had a problem with the no-stairs. Not even elderly relatives. Post it notes start appearing with house rules that are delivered in a ‘like it or lump it’ way. There are ones saying ‘dinner will be such and such tonight and at 6.30, or you can have the leftover whatever if you want to suit yourself and eat alone’ I have the strong feeling that I should never offer to cook for them (I’d never please them) , and that it’s option B they’re very much hinting I should take.

Then suddenly It’s a few days in, I’m creeping about like mouse, wondering how I can just scurry to my room when I get in or never leave it when working from home (the only way not to cause annoyance just by existing) when Erika (Stevens gone out) says ‘help me tidy this house, it’s been a sty lately.’ So I’m doing that, folding linen and stuff, and she goes ‘that man has been a saint putting up with all your nonsense. But you need to get your act together. I’ll tell it like it is even if he won’t’ I can’t seem to find the right words to appease, can sense that they both hate even the sound of my (admittedly terrible) voice, and it feels horrible to know that one third (and an occasional fourth) of my favourite podcast think I’m an annoying, slovenly git. She’s had alexa playing music in the background the whole time - songs- that I can’t recall now but seemed to have pointed meanings to them, and at one point with annoyance asks a track that was shorter than she thought to be played again, snapping at the poor thing. I resolve with a heavy heart to start looking for somewhere else, I genuinely don’t want to be upsetting them just by existing, but I have this horrible recognition that my fave podcasts will never sound the same to me, and I may one day get slagged off on there. But more likely not, just mocked in private. Thankfully that’s where I woke up. Relieved to be in my own house, where I don’t have to walk on eggshells. And thankful that Steven and Erika probably really are as nice as they seem. The pretty authentic them is what you get on their podcasts and they seem like great people, like old friends really.  If no doubt complicated (who isn’t?) and needing it to be just the two of them in that household! Or to have a lodger who’s more assertive! (In the fictional version) It’s so ridiculous anyway as I’d never have had the confidence to move in  - partly too startsruck, partly just self esteem about being too boring or annoying. Plus I know they’d hate having an extra person there other than as an overnight guest, can you blame them?  I’d probably just live on the street rather than start to get on anyones nerves at close quarter! 

Maybe I can help those who are prone to over-thinking.

*cue three-billion paragraphs analysing my first*

Ahem. Erika is *obviously* Mrs Danvers, and she's trying to goad you into jumping off the banister rail.

Nope, that's a rubbish interpretation. More seriously, considering that Erika & Steven are star broadcasters, wouldn't it be perfectly understandable if you or other Who fans felt a little anxious in their company? Even if you merely imagined/dreamt that you were with them?

Yes I’m sure that’s it, though I think they also became avatars for a sad situation im going through with having failed to mediate with two other people online (a wee discord I’m in) resulting in some factionalism that want there before. I think it will settle down in time, I just hate conflict and, childishly, just want everyone to be friends. 

Yes I’m sure that’s it, though I think they also became avatars for a sad situation im going through with having failed to mediate with two other people online (a wee discord I’m in) resulting in some factionalism that want there before. I think it will settle down in time, I just hate conflict and, childishly, just want everyone to be friends. 

It’s not like mine is even an influential voice, so it was a doomed attempt really. But hopefully things will repair anyway. 

Unfortunately, no-one likes a referee. It must be wearing to be in the centre of a tug-of-war.