Do you ever dream ?

My most recent nightmare, from two nights ago: 

I was for some reason living in Canada and couldn’t afford a place and by happenstance a couple needed a lodger to make up some extra cash. Turned out to be Steven and Erika who are a married couple who each have a Doctor Who podcast and occasionally guest on each other’s. They were lovely to me to start with, we had Doctor Who in common, and it was going to be a (quiet) blast. Within about two days it turned into a nightmare. Little things at first - like why did you bring so much stuff? Erika would be directly confrontational about it (‘look if I’m honest I’m really disappointed in you that you lied about not bringing clutter…’ ‘it’s just for my own room, but…. Ok I’ll get rid of these things’) Steven less so but a real passive aggressive vibe was there and then Erika would be telling me the next thing ‘he’s too nice to say to you. He’ll defend you over stuff that’s making his life miserable’ ‘Just tell me what I need to change’ ‘I shouldn’t have to!’ There was also a weird thing where to get up to the apartment there was only a thin banister rail, the. Stairs were gone. And I had to carry the shopping up like that. When I got to the top I was suddenly too scared to move in case I fell and Erika came out, had a startle reflex that I was even there, then told me off for being silly enough to stop when momentum was all that was needed. And that nobody else had ever had a problem with the no-stairs. Not even elderly relatives. Post it notes start appearing with house rules that are delivered in a ‘like it or lump it’ way. There are ones saying ‘dinner will be such and such tonight and at 6.30, or you can have the leftover whatever if you want to suit yourself and eat alone’ I have the strong feeling that I should never offer to cook for them (I’d never please them) , and that it’s option B they’re very much hinting I should take.

Then suddenly It’s a few days in, I’m creeping about like mouse, wondering how I can just scurry to my room when I get in or never leave it when working from home (the only way not to cause annoyance just by existing) when Erika (Stevens gone out) says ‘help me tidy this house, it’s been a sty lately.’ So I’m doing that, folding linen and stuff, and she goes ‘that man has been a saint putting up with all your nonsense. But you need to get your act together. I’ll tell it like it is even if he won’t’ I can’t seem to find the right words to appease, can sense that they both hate even the sound of my (admittedly terrible) voice, and it feels horrible to know that one third (and an occasional fourth) of my favourite podcast think I’m an annoying, slovenly git. She’s had alexa playing music in the background the whole time - songs- that I can’t recall now but seemed to have pointed meanings to them, and at one point with annoyance asks a track that was shorter than she thought to be played again, snapping at the poor thing. I resolve with a heavy heart to start looking for somewhere else, I genuinely don’t want to be upsetting them just by existing, but I have this horrible recognition that my fave podcasts will never sound the same to me, and I may one day get slagged off on there. But more likely not, just mocked in private. Thankfully that’s where I woke up. Relieved to be in my own house, where I don’t have to walk on eggshells. And thankful that Steven and Erika probably really are as nice as they seem. The pretty authentic them is what you get on their podcasts and they seem like great people, like old friends really.  If no doubt complicated (who isn’t?) and needing it to be just the two of them in that household! Or to have a lodger who’s more assertive! (In the fictional version) It’s so ridiculous anyway as I’d never have had the confidence to move in  - partly too startsruck, partly just self esteem about being too boring or annoying. Plus I know they’d hate having an extra person there other than as an overnight guest, can you blame them?  I’d probably just live on the street rather than start to get on anyones nerves at close quarter! 

Maybe I can help those who are prone to over-thinking.

*cue three-billion paragraphs analysing my first*

Ahem. Erika is *obviously* Mrs Danvers, and she's trying to goad you into jumping off the banister rail.

Nope, that's a rubbish interpretation. More seriously, considering that Erika & Steven are star broadcasters, wouldn't it be perfectly understandable if you or other Who fans felt a little anxious in their company? Even if you merely imagined/dreamt that you were with them?

Steven said:

*cue three-billions paragraphs analysing my first*

That made me chuckle because I could just imagine you doing that. Please don't though because it would consume a considerable amount of your time and energy, and possibly cause NAS to crash. 

Don’t laugh, you’ll spoil it…. Miss. 

I wish I could give myself small doses of myself

'which will consist of you writing out 100 times...'

Great! More paragraphs!

Ditto what Shardovan said.

I am fighting the urge to burst out laughing. Nope, too late, I already am. 

Oh my god, some people would pay for that kind of treatment. Did I just say that out loud? 

That’s incredible. Nothing ‘only’ about being a published author

[Sitting with glasses perched on nose, like a stern teacher lecturing a student]

Now, listen here Simon. You MUST stop being so hard on yourself. I demand that you pay attention, otherwise it will be a week's worth of detention for you, which will consist of you writing out 100 times, "I MUST NOT BE SO HARD ON MYSELF"

Yeah, one of mine was published a decade or so ago. Only a small-press novella though.

I'm not a charismatic person, mate. I have very little small talk, for one thing. And even online I often get on my own nerves (for instance, this past week's festival of over-thinking and misinterpretation). Whereas *you* are a gentleman in every respect. :)

That’s so weird. I compulsively say that small doses thing about myself all the time, and here I am shaking my head that you could say something like that about yourself 

Another? 

Gawd, I honestly thought that read 'You could have a whale collection published'. Moby-D*ck 2 coming right up!

My reading glasses cost £1. If they'd been free, I'd still want my money back.

Nonsense! You could have a whole collection published... One book at a time published during the run-up to Christmas. Would make for a great stocking filler.

As in life, I think I'm best in incredibly small doses. Readers would justifiably shoot themselves if I wrote another book.

   Have you ever considered writing a book, along the lines of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole? I reckon it could be a best-seller, and yes, I would be wanting to buy a copy. 

You know me so well.

Recently, I wrote to a friend about the relief-filled ending of my over-analysis addiction; it took me lots of paragraphs to tell them I'd no longer be writing lots of paragraphs. Doh.

You know me so well.

Recently, I wrote to a friend about the relief-filled ending of my over-analysis addiction; it took me lots of paragraphs to tell them I'd no longer be writing lots of paragraphs. Doh.

Don’t laugh, you’ll spoil it…. Miss. 

I wish I could give myself small doses of myself

'which will consist of you writing out 100 times...'

Great! More paragraphs!

Ditto what Shardovan said.

I am fighting the urge to burst out laughing. Nope, too late, I already am. 

Oh my god, some people would pay for that kind of treatment. Did I just say that out loud? 

That’s incredible. Nothing ‘only’ about being a published author

[Sitting with glasses perched on nose, like a stern teacher lecturing a student]

Now, listen here Simon. You MUST stop being so hard on yourself. I demand that you pay attention, otherwise it will be a week's worth of detention for you, which will consist of you writing out 100 times, "I MUST NOT BE SO HARD ON MYSELF"

Yeah, one of mine was published a decade or so ago. Only a small-press novella though.

I'm not a charismatic person, mate. I have very little small talk, for one thing. And even online I often get on my own nerves (for instance, this past week's festival of over-thinking and misinterpretation). Whereas *you* are a gentleman in every respect. :)

That’s so weird. I compulsively say that small doses thing about myself all the time, and here I am shaking my head that you could say something like that about yourself 

Another? 

Gawd, I honestly thought that read 'You could have a whale collection published'. Moby-D*ck 2 coming right up!

My reading glasses cost £1. If they'd been free, I'd still want my money back.

Nonsense! You could have a whole collection published... One book at a time published during the run-up to Christmas. Would make for a great stocking filler.

As in life, I think I'm best in incredibly small doses. Readers would justifiably shoot themselves if I wrote another book.

   Have you ever considered writing a book, along the lines of The Secret Diary of Adrian Mole? I reckon it could be a best-seller, and yes, I would be wanting to buy a copy.