Hi everyone, I stumbled across this page as I’m seeking some guidance and support from experienced people in this area.
My lovely little 3 year old boy is at the start of his journey of seeking a diagnosis for ASD (and potentially ADHD but will follow after ASD diagnosis).
I’ve always deep down in my heart knew something was “different” as his personality traits displayed didn’t feel like typical baby / toddler behaviour but my family thought it was too soon to tell or it just was me overthinking.
November last year his nursery confirmed they agreed there was both ASD and ADHD traits and we should start the ball rolling to refer.
I am a single parent and my greatest worry at the moment is mainly that I am doing the right thing and supporting in the best way possible. I some days feel like a total failure, especially as my son repeats phrases a lot and his favourite at the moment it “make mommy sad” which is heartbreaking. I really need some support and guidance in how to control or support better some of his meltdowns and behaviour in the right way.
His main characteristics of ASD are:
- Hand flapping when excited or running up and down / around.
- Cannot sit still for very long. Meals out are a no no.
- Doesn’t like to interact with children his own age or younger. Prefers older children or adults.
- Not very imaginative, doesn’t participate in role play / imaginative games / toys eg toy kitchens, dress up etc. Very practical minded.
- If he enjoys something (like the iPad!) he could spend all day on the same activity.
- Echolalia type speech, repeats favourite TV shows to engage in conversation. Does talk some of his own words, mainly yes and no, when he does speak “on his own” it’s difficult for him to physically get out and get the words in the right order.
- I feel his “stim” is to repeat phrases. He repeats phrases when he’s scared or over excited.
- He can’t handle sad / upset emotions. If there is a person or cartoon on that has a sad / angry / upset face he will lash out or hide or throw something.
- He hits out at nursery if children are sad / crying / making upset faces / loud noises (I’m not sure if this is ADHD based though)
- His meltdowns are uncontrollable at times and all I can seem to do it’s create a safe space to let it ride out or physically carry him back to the car kicking and screaming if we are out which is making going out alone very difficult and quite isolating.
- He will not brush his teeth / have his hair cut / washed. This makes him very very angry and sad more so than typical toddler behaviour I feel. Without forcing I couldn’t do it. So I must admit a lot of the time I don’t until I get some guidance as to how.
These are just some of the traits that lead me to believe he has ASD but I can’t be 100% sure of course and I am now seeking a private diagnosis due to the waiting times - if he does have ASD I want to make sure he has a diagnosis prior to school so he can have the best possible start.
I guess where I am mainly struggling is his meltdowns and if he finds something too much (eg emotional faces). When he reacts - what is the best way to support? I have tried hugging, thinking time (he gets confused by this I feel) but sometimes I can’t just leave him to it because he will trash the house sadly if I didn’t intervene. I have been putting him in an empty room behind a gate to cool off but how do I react? Do I tell him what he’s done wrong and why he’s there? Cause that’s what I have been doing. And I say when you are ready to come out I’m here “I’m ready to say sorry” and I say are you? And he says “no!” So it’s kind of like do I just keep persevering? It somehow feels cruel to do as I don’t know his level of understanding due to potential ASD so I’m just totally lost sometimes and full of self doubt.
Im sorry for the ramble - it is a totally new world for me and I just want to get it right for him and some support for myself to be able to cope some days with it all and ensure I am being the best mom to him I can be.
Thanks for reading and any advise would be really appreciated.
