I have trouble with social interactions and (I think) always have. (I have a hard time remembering my childhood). I’m not diagnosed with autism or anything else and have never seen a therapist or anything like that, and likely won’t for a long time due to circumstances. Lately I’ve been wondering if I’m actually autistic because I relate to a lot of the symptoms and signs of it, but do not want to self-diagnose and would rather have it done professionally. The thing is though, I don’t think anyone around me would think of me being autistic because (I think) I’m just really good at masking.
Whenever I have to have a social interaction with people I am always wondering whether I'm doing it right. Every time I try my very best to appear like I know what I'm doing to the point that I’m wondering if I really just do know what I'm doing. It really stresses me out because I have no way of knowing wether this is a normal occurrence if not. Also, some autistic traits do not generally apply to me. I have trouble getting really into things, for example if I watch a movie I really liked I don’t usually seek out more content about it.
Sorry if this is kind of all over the place, I have trouble explaining things.