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Violently and physically abused because we are different. Everyone needs to know about this

NAS83663

My 6 year old son is autistic, non verbal and cant help but tap or bang things constantly as part of his sensory seeking. He is a lovely beautiful little boy, so smiley and pleasant and smart in his own way. He just needs some help with his sensory needs and help with communicating.

Yet, some people can be so ignorant and cruel. As if life was not challenging enough, we have an evil neighbour, who is so completely intolerant of my autistic son, that he has angrily been banging through the wall to him for several months. Why? Simply because my son taps or bangs on the floor or windowsill. Our neighbour is fully aware our son is autistic, has sensory seeking needs and cannot really help this. We tried to ignore the neigbour, putting it down to his self absorbed self pitying alcohol abuse. We did not bang back to him, we simply tried to pad the room/sound proof it a bit better. We even got one of those expensive beds that zip up like a tent. The problem was, it felt cruel, essentially locking our son in a padded room or bed. And when he saw his brothers had single beds, he kept going into them. We ended up getting him a single bed again, and his wee face light up, he was so happy. I could never go back to restricting him to a specialist bed again. So long as he is safe and happy, the neighbour will just have to put up with it.

Unfortunately, this man just kept banging and banging through to our son. But we kept ignoring him until he did something entirely sickening. One sunny summer day, when we were all in the garden, he started shouting abuse at us, threatening to pull our fence down, telling us he didn't care if it was dangerous to the children, and then he said "YOUR FAMILY ARE RETARDED!". He then went and got a large kitchen knife and waved at my wife, my mum, shouted racist abuse and said he was going to slit my throat. Obviously, we called the police and went inside but what happened since then is difficult to comprehend, and really left my family and I feeling completely abandoned and alone, having to defend for ourselves. We have never recovered and probably never will. 

The police did very little and were not particularly interested. I had to make an official police complaint before this man was eventually brought to justice. He is attending court soon and we will have to stand against him. But it gets worse, his family are equally racist, disablist and violent nasty bunch. They are angered that we had the sense to call the police and persist on ensuring he was brought to court. Months after we put a security camera up , they are now calling the police on us, stating it is an infringement of their rights and it may be a "concern" to children passing by. The camera is there for our protection and will not be getting moved but it shows the level of evil twisted abuse we are having to deal with. The police did not know the back story and ofcourse dismissed their claims but I cant help think we should allowed to have more protection from this man and his dangerous family. 

Like I said, everyone on here has there own challenges, the last thing any of us need, is to be treated like this, and for us not to be allowed to protect ourselves using cameras and or whatever other means are necessary. 

I just hope the court system finds this man guilty and punishes him accordingly but I fear we are going to have to live next door to this man and his family , always looking for retaliation. All because we stood up for our autstic son.  I would be very grateful for any advice please. I feel I have exhausted every avenue of support but its difficult to prove the sort of things they keep doing to us. Its like living in a horror film honestly. I dont know if I will be able to handle this if they keep bullying my son and my family like this. I am at such a critical breaking point that I fear I will end up reacting to these evil people, and then I will end up getting in trouble. I just dont feel there is any real support there for us in dealing with this

Any help or advice would really be appreciated

Thanks

Paul

  • I would suggest reaching out to local autism support groups or advocacy organizations for advice and resources. They may be able to connect you with legal aid or other forms of support. Additionally, you can try talking to your landlord or property manager to see if they can intervene. It's important to document any incidents and report them to the authorities as well. Stay strong and don't let these bullies bring you down. Remember, you are doing everything in your power to protect and care for your son. Also, if you are looking for security services, you can check out the website https://ohholding.com.ua/en for potential resources.

  • in reply to NAS83663

    Just remember, they are playing a game, but the judge isn't. Speak to the one who is listening. Good luck.

  • in reply to Dawn

    Many thanks Dawn, this is really helpful, all be it scary sounding. I will let you know how we get on. Thank you very much!

  • God Paul! I so wish I did have magic advice for you. I think you have been brave in standing up this nasty, racist....(ok I'll mind my language!)

    I used to work as a police trainer and the response you have had falls far below the standard you should expect. This escalated from harassment to racially aggravated threats to kill.

    It's energy draining, but I wouldn't leave it lie there, but be raising concerns with the local chief constable.

    For your up coming court case, I can give you a few tips we used to give coppers about presenting evidence:

    1) Remember we have an adversarial court system. It's a big piece of theatre to the lawyers. They'll pull eachother apart in court and then pop off to the pub together for a friendly pint afterward. Meanwhile, they are more interested in point scoring, not the truth.

    2) Judge and jury ARE interested in the truth

    3) In the witness box point your feet slightly toward the judge or bench. Face the defence lawyer to receive the question, but turn to face the judge and jury or mag to give your answer. They are the ones who really want to hear it.

    4) No matter what the defence says to mess with your words, do NOT argue with them. They aren't actually interested in the truth and can't be persuaded. Just reply 'No' and restate your truth to the judge

    5) Remember that you will have sworn to tell the "whole" truth. The defence does not want the court to hear your whole truth and may try limiting your answers to 'yes/no'. The judge must ensure you get an opportunity to tell the "whole", but can only intervene if you appeal to him/her on the grounds of your oath. So you could try addressing the them: "Sir/M'lady whoever...I fear that if I limit my answer to yes or no the court will not have my whole truth..." or 'I am afraid the court may be mislead by a simple yes or no'...  Judge at that point has to let you tell the rest.

    6) If you made any notes at the material time, but they MUST have been made at the time, they are known as a "contemporaneous note" you may ask the judge to be allowed to refer to them. If the judge is satisfied you made them at the time she or he will allow it.

    Good luck.

  • in reply to NAS83663

    I would personally be inclined not to involve the newspapers, but that's just me. I worry it could result in adding fuel to the fire, particularly if a reporter wants to include a photograph of you and your family. This could result in you and your family becoming even more of a target for other unsavoury individuals. 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Thanks Sparkly. Yeah, they are aware but are reluctant to get involved until after it has been to court. I think after then, we will go back to the officials and failing that we may have to go to the newspapers. Noone should need to put up with this. He is only a little boy, he cant help being who he is. It makes me sick and so angry

  • I can't offer any advice, but just to say that I'm appalled by your neighbour's behaviour towards you and your family. A lack of understanding as a result of ignorance is one thing, but there is absolutely no excuse for the way your neighbour and his family have been behaving.

    Have you tried contacting your local councillor or MP? If not, it could be worth a try.