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Friendships

NAS83248

Hi, I’m new here. My 14 year old son has just been diagnosed with asd/dyspraxia. 
I suppose I’m just looking for abit of advice on how to deal with friendship groups breaking down. He’s been slowly pushed out for being the weird kid (breaks my heart) and now his only long term friend has started blanking him too. It’s souls destroying to watch. 
I don’t know how to bring the subject up without making him feel worse, Iv tried getting him to make new friends and his teachers have put him intouch with a nice group of kids at school but once school finishes he’s abit of a recluse… he says he doesn’t speak to his friends after school and that’s just the way it is. He’s very black and white with stuff and school is school and home is home  so the two don’t cross over. 

im not really sure why I’m here or what I’m asking to be honest it’s all abit of a whirlwind at the minute and I feel like I just need to vent

Parents

  • Many autistic people can only take social interaction in small doses and need a lot of quiet 'recovery' time afterwards. It could be that the amount he has in school is his limit and he is doing well to be able to recognise that himself. As long as he is happy with the amount of social interaction then that is all that matters. His online friends may well provide all he needs or wants outside of school and without the associated sensory overload.

    The fact that group of kids he has been put with are 'nice' doesn't automatically mean that he will be able to connect with them. Are there any other autistic children in his school, who he could maybe find more in common with? Alternatively look at what he is interested in and see if there any local or after school clubs related to that specific interest.

    Personally for me school was a sensory and social nightmare. At primary the teachers would have to physically escort me into the playground and leave me with a girl who looked after me. Once I got to secondary school I tried hanging around at break times with this same girl and her new friends. However I didn't have the slightest interest in anything they talked about and couldn't join in with any of their conversations. Playground chatter is very different in the teen years compared to primary school.

    Their constant chatter was sensory overload for me but I endured it because the alternative was worse. I soon found that if I was on my own at break times and lunch times I would quickly become a target for the school bullies. I tried hiding inside the school, but would usually be found by a teacher and sent outside. As I got older I would leave the school premises completely during those times, so that I didn't have to interact with anyone either at school or at home.

  • in reply to Autonomistic

    I did well, enough, at school. But I can see, as clear as day, the issues my contemporaries had. It created an entire generation with an axe to grind.

    I did what I was told; it got me f**king nowhere!

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