Refusal to accept diagnosis

Maybe your son learns by example that is why he is in denial.  He might need to find a website with examples of what people write in application forms.  Tell him when he writes 'money' he is telling them what the already know.  They want to know if he can provide something they can use.  He is not understanding the question.

Tell him he so lucky to have had a diagnosis this early in life.  I struggled so much and kept having nervous breakdowns and eventually had to stop work to recoup - I did not know I was on the spectrum life was such a struggle and people would turn against me and I had no idea why - I went to uni and graduated well - I use learning to 'block' what I was feeling.  But it does catch up with you if you do not have an early diagnosis.  I was so alone and thought I was crazy.  When I read a book about Adults with Asperger's it made me cry 1st because there are other people out there like me and 2nd for the 1st time in my life I was reading a book about me!! I had over the years read many self-help books - I was searching for me - I am not alone.

Mostly this country does not appreciate how talented people on the Spectrum can be - famous people with AS are Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and even Einstein, Mozart and Beethoven are all thought to have been on the Spectrum and not to leave out  Leonardo da Vinci.

Because your son has difficulty concentrating he needs to decide what he 'enjoys' and try to make a career out of that.  I have been studying the true meaning for Theory of Mind - the reason why I get into trouble with people is because my theory of mind is very low I am told I am very intelligent it is the lack of understand and not being able to manipulate others to get what I want in the professional world that has held me back and also some very nasty people who 'killed' all my hope and dreams.  

Theory of mind is something NTs do not lack in anyway - it is the ability to read another person's non verbal cues and the ability in 'real time' to predict another's person's behaviour - including in a conversation.  We are able to 'learn' but unlike NTs we must make a study of what the weakness is and it could take years.

I think the short of it is that your son is in a hurry to have money so he can 'keep' his mates but what he does not realise is the true friends can not be bought.  I think he needs to 'see for himself' what he is doing wrong regarding application forms and the best way is for him to find a website or book that teaches people to fill in forms.  Tell him his friends will get jobs because they will fill in the forms the proper by telling a company what he can bring to them.

May be he needs to start with volunteering to understand the workplace?  Young people are so fortunate they have so many opportunities.  When I was young they thought girls do not have Autism only since the 1990s did they begin to understand that girls get it too.

Hope this is helpful?

Jacqui

Thank you - his strengths and his uniqueness are amazing. It's sad that he doesn't embrace it but I'm crossing my fingers.

No, but I've heard other young people express that. One said to me that he would have been "normal" without a diagnosis (he wouldn't of course. And what's normal, anyway?) and that late diagnosed people "have it easy". Oh dear.

Well, I guess it's hard in a different way for younger diagnosed people.  What to me feels like a massive relief after years of hardship, may to him sound like a death knell for normal life. The key will be when he bends his head around the fact he is as good as anyone one else, but needs to either adapt some stuff or to shout until others adapt some stuff for him.

All I can suggest is that you help him see his strengths as an autistic person and help him see how he could use them. Then stand back and cross your fingers.

He'll have to pick his own way through this, of course. His diagnosis, his truth, his life.

Well, he can always get himself a DIY second opinion on the aspergertestsite.com

And even if he is touched with the same brush as the rest of us, you can reassure him that he won't BE the same as the rest of us...

My problem is that my family mum and siblings do not accept my diagnosis - mum was interviewed so... I think they think if they ignore my difficulties I will ... maybe not have it anymore??  They know I struggle and so a proper diagnosis was important.  It may be a good idea to gently explain to your son 'the why' he is struggling while someone else would not struggle.  Teen years are very difficult because we 'want' to belong.  It could be a good thing that he wants to be NT - I have used reality tv to educate myself I ask him why a person on the show is upset etc, if he accepts his diagnosis he will be able to try to 'learn' how to manage his difficulties so he can do things like other teens.  Hope this is helpful.  Jacqui