Autism diagnosis, 17 year old girl.

This is very relatable. My brain is very systematic and likes to count and number things, so a lot of these things comfort me, but others see them as odd.

I understand this. I do agree that some of my behaviours are definitely not OCD, but I do know that a lot of them are, hence why I got diagnosed and I’m in therapy for it. It’s just the ones that help me cope, others see as not helpful etc. I get confused but I appreciate your input. 

Hi, I also love routine (though it can cause issues as whilst routines can make me feel safe, I can get very stuck/attached to them, which is ok if they are good routines but problematic if they are bad routines...plus it means that any change to the routine is distressing). Creating lists is actually something that I find very helpful- it helps me feel more on top of things and organised and I think it helps with executive dysfunction. I also have some routines/checking behaviours in place to help me reduce some of my anxieties- especially at work, I do certain tasks in a very specific way to essentially make it impossible to make certain mistakes (this stops me from waking up in the middle of the night anxious that I might have made that mistake... and it stops me from having to go and check). 

These are all quite reasonable:

Sky said:

Some of the behaviours that help me to function without being overwhelmed are me counting everything, making lists, creating routines, going over things lots of times and not liking people moving things in my room or touching my stuff.

There is a similar version of "Counting Everything" in yoga, in meditative practice.

Lists and Routines are quite mature things and incredibly needed in todays society. If I start listing everything I'm supposed to get done, I overwhelm others. One is easily fired for not having these in place so it seems a bit odd, if not incredibly out of touch, for someone to think these classify as OCD. 

I would also say many of us here will go over things several times. I can never recall if I locked the door or shut off the oven. Double checking things due to recognising my own limits and difficulties is also a mark of maturity, not OCD.

Usually when individuals interrupt our flow, it's called being rude. I have a feeling your therapist wouldn't like anyone moving stuff around in their office. 

All of these things are perfectly normal. They sound like learned behaviours to create a better pace of life. CBT is supposed to fix negative influence and these all sound like positive and reasonable actions.

The tapping might be worth looking into but I'd hardly think assigning a different behaviour will help.  Many times we might perform a function like this as an expression of a belief or perspective. I'd explore what you think is going to happen. Write it down and find out if it's based in a reasonable calculation of a trajectory of events. Many of us here automatically calculate all kinds of terrible outcomes because the autistic mind can make constant calculations. It doesn't mean any of them will happen. It's just how most of us think. But without this kind of thinking, bridges would crumble, health and safety standards wouldn't be law, ethics might not have been dreamed up, it is a part of scientific reasoning. If your head is constantly thinking about all the bad possible outcomes, then it's time to put your mind to work! It might just be there is a future vacancy you're destined to fill. I used to be afraid of falling up into the sky. The fix for this is to dive into physics. 

:))

I’m so glad you’re feeling hopeful - hope is so important and no small achievement when you’re dealing with a lot of mental health stuff. think making a list is a great idea. To be honest if she’s a good therapist I’m surprised she hasn’t picked up on your autistic traits - you never know she perhaps already has. I think you’re doing all the right things: doing your own research, thinking things through and considering what the best course of action is rather than leaping into things, and reaching out to other autistic people for support. You’ve got this :) 

Thank you so so much, that’s made me feel very hopeful. Just hearing that I’m probably right makes me feel validated, so thank you for that. I’ve decided I will mention it to my therapist, but I’m going to compile a list of why I think I’m autistic first, along with some of the research I’ve done. I’m also on the list to see a psychiatrist at CAMHS for potential medication, so I may mention it then too just to see what they say. 
Thank you so much again,

Sky :)) 

Hello Sky,

I think it’s really positive that you’ve looked into the possibility that you could be autistic and come to the conclusion that you are. There’s so much information available about autism and therefore it’s perfectly valid for people to look at this in detail and come to the conclusion that you have. It’s likely that you’re right in that conclusion - especially if you have many of the most ‘typical’ traits. 
I would definitely mention this to your therapist - if you want to that is! Being autistic has a huge influence on how you think and behave etc - so it should inform your therapy and how your therapist works with you. It’s good that you have access to therapy too - many who need it don’t. 
In terms of your parents - presumably they love and care for you and if they do I’m sure they’ll appreciate you sharing your thoughts with them and will be supportive and loving. I appreciate not all parents are always capable of doing the right and loving thing - but you won’t know how they’ll respond until you try. Even if they don’t initially respond how you want hopefully in time they will step up and support you 100%. 
There’s a huge amount of friendship and support on here if you ever need it. Good luck :) 

Thank you very much for this insight. Some of the behaviours are ritualistic so I can understand the OCD diagnosis. Anxiety is very prevalent in my life so I understand this as well. Some of the behaviours that help me to function without being overwhelmed are me counting everything, making lists, creating routines, going over things lots of times and not liking people moving things in my room or touching my stuff. There are some that cause me distress such as tapping objects to prevent things I think will happen. But lots of these behaviours they are trying to get me to stop using CBT I don’t find stressful. 

Hi Sky! Let me see if I can help with some terminology and thought that may prove useful.

OCD is something that one does which they cannot seem to get control or discipline over, which is harmful to themselves and others. OCD is absolutely not undertaking a measure to ensure safety or be mind-full of a precaution to keep a fluidness for ones life. For instance, I learned to not be rushed. If this makes someone angry who would like to rush me out the door, then they will have to deal with their own anger. They're welcome to leave before me or help me get ready. Also, I'm happy to make an adjustment to my schedule to ensure a better time, but that may mean I need to focus in the morning and not have a random conversation. I won't add extra things to my to-do list and if we need to leave at a certain time, it's best I know in advance. I also may need help remembering what day it is. We do things in my house one-thing-at-a-time. We are not multi-tankers because in the past over countless years I have learned the hard way. Too many things all at once means I might leave the stove on. Distractions mean I may cut myself while using a knife. So I am strict about the disciplines I've put in place, just as my grandmother was. This is not OCD. This is being a grown up and refusing to allow the chaos of whatever modern age have it's way.

The term Absent Insight needs more application in psychology as far as I'm concerned. There seems to be a lack of differentiating between nuances, or making a distinction. The best way to think about deciphering what is psychosis and what is sane is by asking if a thing Helps or Hurts. 

Going in to the future, remember, OCD is not mine. Anyone can be arrested by it, but you don't seem to be unable to express, rather you sound thought-full. Autism is not mine, abusers are not mine - none of these things which are thrown back on the individual to bare under isolated are practical. We share Autistic Traits, and while humans are unique, Autism is not. OCD is not. Anxiety is another matter - it is a response.

In the Autistic and ADHD brain there is a lot of new research around us having more Gamma Waves and these are responsible for flow-state, hyper-focus and making full-brain connexions. But they can accelerate out of control, going from excited about a problem, puzzle, complexity to the other face of Excitement which is Anxiety. We are a design that can problem solve, but we also can be driven by resolution. That's not bad. Some NTs cannot handle the type of in-depth thinking we might normally contain. Everyone has their talent. But that doesn't give them a right to tell us not to think or a right to mis represent us as over-thinking. While yes, we might not have all the pieces, but I suggest it's important we allow this drive to help us find them and learn conflict resolution, learn how to think better and allow ourselves to be deep thinkers if we wish. 

We will have more anxiety by default. When I was young I perused philosophy and as much wisdom as I could. A better perspective is always better than anti-anxiety medication, but over the years on very irregular occasion I've needed it to shut down the accelerated thought. 

The best way to present a response is  first by writing it down best you can. Continue to look up these things including: monotropism.org. 

Finally, if you want to share further about what behaviour they wish for you to change, there might be several adults here who can either give a better perspective or help you state a case as to why it's incorrect.