Published on 12, July, 2020
I have to admit it's not my fav time of year. I liked it when I was really little because of Santa and presents but now I'm an adult it just makes me anxious. Everything about it causes me anxiety and discomfort. The shops and town become super busy and loud, bright lights are flashing everywhere, it's colder usually, everything gets expensive and family always mix and party which I find very hard to cope with. I just want to hide away for the whole month and come back in January. I know it's not Christmas yet but it's closing in fast and I'm already anxious and dreading it.
I can understand what you are describing- I have a dream of going off hiking on my own over Christmas- I am sure I will do that as soon as my injuries are healed and I am able to do so again (Mallorca is the planned destination as the weather is mild enough and the mountain huts are open even over Christmas!!).
I luckily have not had to cope with large family gatherings since I was a child (probably not anymore after I was 8 or 9 years old)- I know that I would not be able to cope with it- eating socially, all those people, complete overstimulation. When I was growing up there were lots of arguments in my family so my mum, stepfather and I started going to Switzerland to ski over Christmas (always the same place so that was great as it felt like a second home so no huge change)- I loved that- on Christmas Eve and Chrismas day we would just eat as usual in the quiet and cozy family run restaurant of the simple hotel we were staying in (they had traditional things but also pizzas etc). and everyone just had exactly what they liked - we did give each other presents which was nice but there was no pressure or change.
After I went to university and my parents split, it was more difficult. I spent one Christmas with my stepfather which was stressful as I ended up having to last minute organise the cooking for the 3 days... And I spent the past Christmases alone- which was ok but a little sad as no friends at all are available to talk to/phone or do something together with and I kept feeling like I should be doing something special but didn't know what...- This is why I dream of the Christmas hiking trip- I think it would be amazing! I love hiking and I can't imagine anything better than to get away and into nature over the Chrismas break.
Do you have big gatherings with your family over Christmas? Does your family know you find it overwhelming? Could you have some of the days to yourself and do something you love?
I've been misdiagnosed with social anxiety and depression for 18 years so they know its not a good time of year for me.
So I do tend to get more me time than everyone else but it still dosent stop the thoughts and the tv ads rammed down your throat of people and families having a fantastic time like someone else further up said from October I begin to dread it, this year will be different though as I now know who and what I am either way Im glad when its all over come Jan 1st