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finding friends for my 15 year old son

becki

hi!  i am new to all this i would just like some advice if poss...the following below is what i put on nas facebook page but i did not get any response....thankyou

 Hi! I am hoping somebody can point me in the right direction or give me some advice. the thing is I have a autistic ...soon to be 15 year old son...I would like him to gain some proper friends that will understand him...he is not severely autistic but he is on the spectrum and has been statmented he can talk to you properly and hold a conversation with you and has eyes contact....his interests are wildlife and videogames and films ..he goes to mainstream school but has a teacher / chaperone with him . At home he generally stays in and plays video games that he is really good at....but I would like him to have more things to do in life ie with other kids that would understand him....he has been out to the park with his 9 year old sister but got recognised from kids from his school and they rounded up on him and punched him in the face...he was just minding his own business and playing tig with his sister and they just set on him...I have been outside and local lads have gone past our house and said " that's where the retard lives...hes the one where his dad picks him up from school everyday" it breaks my heart that he sees his 9 year old sisters friends come round but nobody bothers with him!!!....Please if anybody can point me in the direction of a online group / friend finder that would be fantastic....I live in the wigan area btw...thankyou.

  • If he likes wildlife, is there a National Trust estate nearby? They have young volunteer programs where children and young adults can help out and maybe make some friends. Similar programs exist with other organisations.

  • Hi - I don't know if there are any autism charities in your area.  Sometimes they are looking for volunteers to help out in various ways.  He could use his abilities in such a direction + meet others + be part of a social group.  If he has a particular interest in something then maybe volunteering in that area would produce a positive result.  Befriending charities, as long as the person is well matched to the client can also be a positive experience.

  • At the moment home may be a safe resort. Bringing in other teenagers in the hope he may form social bonds may not get the desired effect. It may actually introduce a new compromise to his security within the home.

    It has been observed in the literature that some parents thought their son was socialising well with friends coming round, until a social worker or friend of the family observed that the "friends" were simply playing with his computer games etc., not with him. You perhaps need to consider that possibility.

    Also you may not be able to spot any discrete manipulative or antagonistic behaviour from these invited friends, given what you've said about what can happen outside.

    It would be better to try to get something to happen in school. Some schools are switched to the idea of a "buddy" for vulnerable children, someone the school trusts to be responsible, who might help him mix at school. That again has flaws but it might be better.

    If you are being bullied or ridiculed it is very demoralising and saps self confidence and self esteem. So you need to ensure your son has some safe zones where these threats are diminished if not removed.

    So unless you can really guarantee the conduct of these friends on his home territory, it might not be a good move.

  • It kind of goes against what my thread is about but have you considered getting him a support worker to take him about places and meet people?

    is he on here? Maybe he could talk to people this way?