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Have I got a masking problem?

LostGUY

For the last year I've been trying to push myself out of my comfort zone to be more social. I've found a group that I occasionally go to and kind of made a friend from that group that I see about once a fortnight for an hour or so. 

My problem is that social contact seems to drain me. I end up getting down the next day, question what the point of it is and wonder if it's doing me more harm than good. 

My question is, am I masking? and that is the reason I'm struggling. I don't feel I am getting any more confident by socializing, feels like I am just getting better at dealing with being uncomfortable at events. 

I don't really know how I am masking. It's not like I am completely different at home to when I'm out, it's just that I'm not as comfortable when out. I do worry about saying the right thing or not saying anything stupid. Masking sounds like you would hide your real self, problem is ..I don't really have a sense of what the real me is like. 

Don't know if any of this makes sense, would welcome any thoughts on this. 

  • in reply to Martin

    There's times when my mind goes blank and I observe my inner dialogue.... Just think of something to say... Why is this so hard.. this silence is deafening. It's hard to stop your thoughts running away with you when that happens. I'm definitely using my conscious mind at these events. I'd be interested to find out how it went if I could find people similar to myself who were autistic. 

  • It is not just a problem of masking. As autistics we do social interactions, at least with allistics, using our intellect, not subconsciously like allistics do. Allistics can go all day, every day, chatting and otherwise interacting with others, and feel fresh as a daisy. This is because they are putting no conscious intellectual effort into the process. We put huge effort into doing the same thing, and that is why it exhausts us.