Mild infuriation for some, huge potential for anxiety for others

My brother waited for a HMRC letter, with his new Tax ID, and we thought it was delayed. However, the letter was probably sent to the wrong address.

It also increases my anxiety; as we're in limbo, regarding Capital Gains Tax.

I think it's a good idea! 

yep, i was about to rant about the incompetence of the world  but i wont lol.

sorry if this is obvious, but see if breaking those 3 tasks down, into separate tasks in your mind, as each an individual thing to be tackled individually.

rather than the chain sequence of them, so instead of like "123", its more, "1..2..3" 

having difficulty describing what i mean, apologies.

Autonomistic said:

Hopefully you won't be so hard on yourself now that you understand it's not your fault and is down to the way autistic brains are wired.

I am definitely working on this. I’m kinder to myself than I have been in the past, but I’ve still got a way to go.

Autonomistic said:

The systems are designed to work for the 98-9% of the population who are not autistic.

I think there is truth to this. It would go some way to explaining why I find common place practices, like the ones described above, so challenging when most others wouldn’t even slightly think about it.

It’s been nice chatting to someone who gets it, so thanks.

Hopefully you won't be so hard on yourself now that you understand it's not your fault and is down to the way autistic brains are wired. I keep trying to remind myself of that, it's difficult after a lifetime of not knowing why I couldn't do things that others seemed to find so easy.

The systems are designed to work for the 98-9% of the population who are not autistic. There must be something that they are picking up on the other end of the line. I suspect they can pick up on our anxiety, hesitation and scripted responses. Maybe it's something about the tone of voice. Whatever it is it makes phone calls stressful and hard to navigate.

Autonomistic said:

I imagine for the NT person they would just instantly pick up the phone, make a few calls and then get on with the rest of their day. If only life was so easy for us....

I think this is why I’m so hard on myself sometimes. Other people can do exactly as you described here, do something and move on. No big deal. If I ever try to do that, it all goes wrong. I just can’t seem to navigate life in the same way. I think it’s the focusing time that you described. I just can’t shift gears that quickly. It feels like whiplash, twisting and turning between tasks so quickly.

Sometimes it feels like the systems are there to work for others, but not for me. A prime example is when my wife and I upgraded our phone contracts. Exactly the same provider, same selected plans, same day and time. All the same. She got offered a promotional discount, I didn’t. When I queried it, it was impossible for them to offer me the same. Completely out of their hands. It was wrong of me to even ask. My wife then spoke to them, absolutely fine. No worries, of course we can offer the same, he should have just asked, we’re happy to help etc. It was such a big deal for me to reach out and ask, only to be rejected but for my wife to be accepted straight away no questions asked. What a bizarre world sometimes.

I can definitely relate to the spikes of anxiety that you describe. I sent an email and saw I had a reply. Adrenaline spike, worry and anticipation. All for an automated response saying that they had received my email. Brilliant. 

Exactly. It's the time taken that people don't understand unless they're autistic themselves. Our brains can't just switch easily from one task to another. It takes time to achieve a state of focus on a task, especially when it is not one we were expecting to have to do.

Like you I have to prepare in advance if a phone call is unavoidable. However if the call doesn't go how I expect it to I get completely lost. Depending on the situation I can go mute or get angry. Most often though I end up agreeing to something I don't want to agree to, just to get off the phone. I then get annoyed with myself afterwards for not being able to achieve the outcome I wanted or resolve the situation.

Email is easier, as I can spend as much time as I need to think what to say. However as you say that involves wait times. If the reply takes a few days my focus will have moved on to something else and I find it hard to switch back again. More often than not the reply fails to address the points I have raised in my email and is just a generic reply. Then I have to start all over again, trying to resolve the issue, and wait for another reply. When the reply does land in my inbox I get a spike of anxiety, even just about reading it, in case it fails to resolve the issue.

The longer I spend trying to resolve something the more infuriated I get. Mistakes happen but they seem to be increasing so much these days. The incompetence from the customer service or complaints team, that are supposed to be sorting it, is shocking sometimes. I am not getting paid for spending days or weeks of my time trying to sort something but these people are.

I imagine for the NT person they would just instantly pick up the phone, make a few calls and then get on with the rest of their day. If only life was so easy for us....

I imagine so now you said. That makes sense in terms of the account reset. Quite frustrating all in all.

it probably happened because of auto fill form data that likely saved your old address.

Autonomistic said:

Then there is effect of the disruption to my routine as I had not planned to spend the day dealing with whatever problem has arisen.

This is the major problem for me to, and it always is a full day or more. Especially when you factor in time to rehearse all communication, which is something I have to do. If I’m having to phone someone, which like you I avoid at all costs, I have to write a script of potential responses and stock phrases I can use. This is part of my autistic experience, and many others in a similar situation, that I imagine most people don’t even know exists. It takes a lot of time and energy.

I have managed to send one email so far, but I know there is wait times involved now. It just seems like an odd thing to happen when this company hasn’t sent medication to that address for years. It’s a spanner in the works that has more of an impact than anyone there would realise. I also don’t think I’d be able to explain the impact to someone in those communication if I tried, which only adds to the frustrations. 

I’m sorry to read that things like this impact you in a similar way too, but thank you for the well wishes from an understanding position. It means a good deal having a community like this to turn to in moments like these where you feel invisible to the world.

Thanks for your thoughtful reply.

I always feel a bit daft in moments like this, as I always feel like I should handle it a bit better. Well I suppose I am by coming here and writing a message, rather than bottling up the worries, but still, I’m finding it tricky to be less hard on myself. In the past I’d really let this get the better of me, but instead today I came here and then carried on with a wood working project I started yesterday. That’s progress I guess.

Thanks for your suggestions too. Usually my wife is very helpful in moments like this, however, through no fault of her own, she’s not really able to at the moment. So this one is on me and sometimes it’s like that for us all. 

I hope to navigate this in as pain free a way as possible. Or at the very least, avoid the dreaded phone call option! I absolutely hate phone calls!

A situation like that would put me into a bit of a state of panic too. 

Things that are unexpected like that are hard to process and deal with. If something doesn't happen like I expect it to I can react badly. Then there is effect of the disruption to my routine as I had not planned to spend the day dealing with whatever problem has arisen. These days I seem to spend so much of my time dealing with 'life admin' and the problems that ensue from it.

The idea that I might have to try and communicate by phone elevates my anxiety massively. If communication can be done by email or live chat I'll opt for one of those methods of contact, however they are not necessarily the fastest or most efficient solution. Sometimes I can end up being sent round in circles by one of those infuriating chat bots.

The mere thought of having to contact my GP is anxiety inducing. Phoning seems to be the only way, at my surgery at least, which I'll do anything to avoid. Those receptionists have one sole aim in their job description, to prevent anyone from ever seeing or speaking to a GP.

Good luck! I hope you manage to sort it easily.

Oh no what a nightmare!

I hate it when something like this happens. I understand your anxiety, it's not nice and if it was me I'd be feeling the exact same way. I send hugs to you.

Is it possible for someone else to do some of the contacting for you, like your parents or partner if you're living with them? When it comes to talking to people like GP I give my parents permission and then the GP will talk to them. Makes me a lot less anxious.

I hope you can get it sorted out with as little stress as possible.