Activities for an young autistic person who isn’t sure what to do

Yeah, learning to make music is much easier than it used to it, when I first got into it in the late 80's you needed to buy expensive gear but now only need a tablet or a PC/laptop.  There will be music apps for his ipad to try out, you can quickly learn to make music - usually fairly basic, but fun.  I have used FL studio on my PC for a long time, and tried a demo of Ableton, there are others like Symoon suggested.

There are youtube videos showing how to build up music, especially the electronic styles of music (like EDM) but probably videos for other styles I've just never looked. 

David Guetta put some good videos together.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LfEhLdITOac for example.

That sounds fascinating - I will find out more about that. Thank you so much! 

As said before music can be very grounding , especially if you have composed and produced yourself, 

Recently a new program has been released called VCV rack which is free and an open-source cross-platform software modular synthesizer , and it is amazing, 
Lots of you tube video's how to use it and a very good community of people who like to see what you can create.

Found a great video about stop motion animation, different methods and styles, and examples.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ppedXZHhE0

It may start as fun but if good at it videos can posted on social media and that can lead to social interaction, maybe friendships, you never know even a job.

It was popular to build a lego scene and a smartphone or tablet to take photos and animate it, not sure if it still is.

I've never been by myself to the lake district as a trip, went 3 times for training courses, and 3/4 times with a partner, and only once to escape.  Not been to Cornwall by myself either, only with family or partner.  I very much haven't done trips or holidays by myself, apart from visiting events like motor racing a couple of times.  I have set goals to go walking by myself, but things to work on.  I walk to nearby lanes and fields, which helps, and bit of wildlife, but not really escaping or much of a challenge.

I love your account of going to the Lake District! I used to go there a lot - and at one time considered moving there to live. These days Cornwall is the place I tend to escape to - when I can. I love the very early morning too - when everything is so quiet and there are no people around. And in the countryside the air feeling different in the very early morning. It’s wonderful.

like you say though - there are some realities you can’t run away from - and escape is no good if your worries travel with you. That’s what happened to me recently - and I felt worse as a result. 
ultimately we have to face our problems and deal with them. Not many can be just left behind and escaped. If only they could! But then I suppose we’d be always running, and never learn that we are in fact strong enough to solve our problems. 
Still - I’m sure you have fond memories of your Lake District trip - it sounds lovely to me. 

There are ways you can have a break from worries, but realities are harder to have a break from.

In the past I used to drive off by myself and 'escape' temporarily, I once drove 250 miles to the lake district and parked up on a hillside at night, didn't sleep well but went for a walk at dawn and sat by a stream for an hour, built a small dam so the water backup and made more noise.  Had to drive back and go back to work on Monday, face it all again, feel guilt of the petrol bill, but was worth it really.

Getting away from things to switch off can help, walk, drive, short break, holiday.  It can clear the thoughts or you get ideas.  Whatever is realistic and practical.  Important not just go somewhere else and be stressed or worried still.

Yes, outdoor games or adventure might be good.

It can be difficult to know the right way, and so yes, learning to weigh up different options is best - rather than guessing or letting anxiety and fear take over and give up.

Also, sticking with a decision once made is really important rather than start undermining it or putting barriers in the way.  Know yourself, trust yourself, gain confidence from that.  If later on its not working out, then maybe you need to reassess what you are doing.

That not a bad idea - we used to play badminton. I’ll try and find the kit - it must be somewhere! Thank you :) 

I think that’s a great way of doing that - rather than straightforward pros and cons. We will try that (although not yet as at the moment he doesn't even want to think or talk about college most of the time. He’s trying to block it out - but I know from my own experience that it usually makes things worse in the end. He’s so fragile at the moment though so I can see why he feels the need to do that. I do it myself with many things. We are so alike. I’d do anything to help him but I don’t always know what to do. We both want to escape all our worries. I’ve messaged you by the way Ann :) 

It's very difficult when there appears to be no good option. Does he want to go to university or have any career ambitions or interests that he might want to explore? Like Autimator said it might be helpful to explore alternatives to college. 

I actually took time off from university- it was meant to be for a year but then I wasn't doing well at all so I ended up going back after 1.5 years. I always knew that I really wanted to go back though as I loved the course. 

However for my MPhil I was very unhappy with my course, feeling depressed, burnt-out, unsure whether I wanted to even pursue a career in science anymore and I really wanted to drop out. I also felt like there was no good option and I don't think there was (it was the middle of the pandemic etc. so finding a job would have been hard and I would have had to move abroad etc., i also explored changing course but it wasn't possible)- I spent a lot of time thinking through and exploring my options. I really wanted to drop out but in the end I realised that finishing my MPhil was really the best/ only feasible option at the time. I am in no way saying that going back to college is the only feasible option or best option for your son, but I think whatever he decides it really helps to take the time to go through all the options. This process took weeks for me but it really helped in the end because I knew exactly why I had made the choice that I had made and that gave me the strength to keep going. It sounds like he's already doing this by talking to college. It's so tempting to want to not think about these difficult decisions and thinking about it is very tough but for me  it was helpful to gather as much information as possible and really take the time to think and talk it through.

I also really struggle with making decisions especially if the options all look good or all look bad... what helps me sometimes is to intuitively listing the pros and cons of each one (eg. taking a separate note page on my phone and I do it quickly without overthinking and just write down everything that comes to mind) and then going through and rate each point from 0-100 (100 being life-changingly important and 0 being not important at all/completely irrelevant). I make sure there are no doubles- then I tally up all the scores for pros and cons for each option and subtract the cons from the pros. Listing pros and cons alone never worked for me but this method can sometimes yield surprising results and is more useful as each point gets an importance weight too- it's a way of engaging with the decision too though of course it is a flawed method. 

Hi, in my opinion, indulge him some outdoor games.

He has time to work on what causes his anxiety and stress about college, but its also learning to cope better and be OK as the person you are once you cross the threshold.  Managing thoughts/feelings is really difficult for autistic people, but can be something to work on.

There are other options to college like training courses, apprenticeships, but are still difficult places/things though maybe less people, less intense.  You can always teach yourself things, for fun or help get a job or earn money self-employed.  Autistic people can end up doing things that aren't mainstream like being a comedian, actor, author or writer, artist, autism advocate, musician or singer, or making things, because they are more in control of things or its more what you do than what you say.

Yes. My son is temporarily out of college and he is in talks with the college about returning in September. But deep down he doesn’t really want to go back. However the alternative - leaving Education and entering the whole job finding/job centre thing seems worse if anything. No option feels easy tbh. 

Selective mutism is less common than social anxiety and other communication issues that affect autistic people, but more difficult to live with and overcome - and more difficult for others to understand.

The school threshold is very hard for autistic people, just your own difficulties make it difficult to turn up and get through - then add pupils, teachers, and learning things that might be difficult to take in, it gets difficult and for some too much.  The day I left school I felt really relieved, for a few weeks I felt much better, but it was short-lived as my parents said I need to look for a job - and got a job that meant college, rinse and repeat. 

Yes, I agree with all you say here. It’s such a relief to come on here and speak with people who know what it’s like, and who understand. For so many years my son and I felt so alone in trying to cope with Selective Mutism. Autism is challenging (myself, my husband  and both my children are all autistic) but we’ve found Selective Mutism to be by far the most destructive thing in my son’s life, it’s been such an upsetting thing for him, and so damaging to his ability to make friends and participate in his education etc. So hard. My heart has broken for him on so many occasions as I’ve watched him be hurt by the impact of it. He’s had to have so much courage to try to face going to school and college everyday - and be trapped in silence as he crosses the threshold of every school he’s ever set foot in. 

I don't have an ipad, or into animation myself, so can't recommend any apps, but I know there are animation apps as seen websites and videos about then.  Either google for ipad animation apps and see what people recommend, or search the app store.

It can be difficult to know what is down to social anxiety and whats down to selective mutism, and my parents didn't try and help me with it, and I didn't know I could get help so it stuck with me and still affected though less so.  Autistic people will tell you that talking about work things and things you know or interested in can be much easier, sometimes too easy an nobody else can get a word in, but when people want to do small talk or talk about something you don't know then you struggle or dry up and its painful.

Social anxiety can be overcome by therapy or self-help books, learn to focus on others rather than your mind, think less and positively (self-coaching), develop confidence about talking and be OK with not talking, relax.  There can be help with selective mutism but its more specialist, its not caused by your thinking so normal therapy won't help - its involuntary, an automatic response usually to a situation or environment, sensory triggers.

There's also the classic autistic thing being stuck in your head, lost in thoughts or overwhelmed by anxiety and other feelings.  Not necessarily not wanting to talk, but by focusing on not talking will result in not talking - strangely enough.

Thanks Autimator - these are really helpful suggestions - thank you so much for taking the time to reply. I really like your idea of Animation - I think that might really appeal to him. Do you know of any good apps or websites that would be a good place to start if he wanted to try this? All the suggestions you make could be helpful though - thank you. I will share these with him. 

I’m sorry that you experienced Selective Mutism at school too - it really is such a difficult thing to have to cope with. It’s made life so difficult for my son - he has struggled with it throughout his whole education. It was so incredibly difficult to get good support for him with this. 
We really like Chris Packham too - he’s a very inspiring person and has achieved so much. 

Hi Ann, thanks for these suggestions- they’re really helpful. I hadn’t heard of Coursera or Boardgamearena - they both look really interesting. I will investigate! I also hadn’t thought of origami. And the planning a walk idea is also excellent - we go on lots of walks but I tend to mostly plan them and I think I could encourage my son to get more involved in the planning of them, and choosing locations and routes etc. He’s feeling depressed at the moment and one of his biggest problems is motivation - so it’s hard to get him to take on anything that requires a lot of engagement and concentration for him - which I totally understand. It’s a bit of a vicious circle in many ways (and one I am familiar with myself too).  Small steps will help though - and your ideas are so helpful - thank you so much for sharing them. 

Its a good idea if he does something productive, something that mimics a job and provide opportunities.  I don't know his abilities or focus levels, or what might appeal, so its difficult - might be an idea to set him a task to do, google for ideas of things to do or get into. Something might jump out at him that he wouldn't normally think of.  I was into electronics and computers growing up, that got me in to an apprenticeship in electronics because I was able to show I had interest and knowledge they needed.

He has an iPad so you can do productive things with that like learning digital drawing/painting, photography, animation (stop animation can be good fun, or cartoons), online courses to learn about things, make music, make videos, put a website together.  He could put things like photos or videos on social media and that can help you connect with people.

Many hobbies can be expensive and out of reach, so making the most of what you already have is best - and focus on affordable hobbies.  

I went through school and college with social anxiety and selective mutism, I just did the learning and got through it - Chris Packham the autistic naturalist and TV presenter went through school and university that way, but his passion got him through and it led to a successful career.

We are all different of course, but role models can help - if he goes online and reads and watches videos of autistic people around his age, that might encourage and motivate him, give him ideas.

Creative hobbies are best, where you learn to do something and then get the reward of making progress and completing it.  You learn skills and build confidence that you can do things, and something to offer employers or self-employment if that is more appropriate.