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Earliest Memory

Sporadic Sparkly

Having now been a member of the NAS Community for approximately a fortnight, I thought it was about time I got around to starting a discussion, as opposed to simply commenting on discussions started by other members.

The following is an event that happened more than 40 years ago (before anyone knew I was autistic), which I remember in full technicolour glory...

As I had no siblings, my mother had been keen to socialise me with other children before I started nursery school, so had taken me to a playgroup. I guess this means that I would have been aged about 3 or 4 years old.

The playgroup was in a room at the town's rugby club, and the rugby club was located in the town's large park, where there was also a leisure centre and outdoor ski slope.

I remember walking into this room (the playgroup), and my senses being hit by an overwhelming and unpleasant smell of plasticine, along with other smells/odours that I considered equally as unpleasant.

Some of the children were playing together, whilst others were playing on their own. My mother was keen for me to join them, but I didn't want to and refused to leave her side. The more she and the playgroup staff attempted to persuade me to join the other children, the more I protested and insisted that I wanted to be taken back home. Being in this strange and unfamiliar environment was just too traumatic for me. In hindsight, I guess I'd displayed all the hallmarks of an autistic meltdown.

Fortunately (for me), I had caused my mother so much stress that day that she never attempted to take me back to that playgroup.

If you are on the spectrum, do you have any vivid memories of early childhood?

Edited to add: I thought I would ask this question because I sometimes wonder if those of us who are on the Spectrum are better at remembering events from our early childhood.

Also, if your memories are traumatic, please don't feel obliged to share them unless you feel comfortable doing so.

Parents

  • oh yes, i remember being a baby, in some sort of high chair or seat thing in the garden. my parents go into the house and can see them from the kitchen windows. then i hear a voice telling me things such as look after your mother and beware your father because he can be grumpy... no one was there, this was strange voice from nowhere from what i remember.

    i remember understanding english in my head but yet wondering why i cant reproduce that from my voice.

    i then also remember trying hard to hold my memories as i realise i could remember some memories but then other times were blank. so i though to focus on trying to remember my level of sentience as a sort of proof or leg up for when im older... perhaps there was something else i actually wanted to remember but i forgot it....then just could only remember to remember something and then that thought of trying to remember something turned into a thought to try remember my existential being and sentience. but perhaps there was other things that i thought i needed to remember but was lost.

    makes me wonder if as a child we still hold memories of what was before birth, perhaps a past life, perhaps the entire energetic fabric of reality and eternal being... but whatever if i was trying to remember anything beyond this life all i could remember is trying to remember and hold onto a memory for myself in the future to know lol

    perhaps when we die we restart our lives from the beginning, like a vhs tape your existance is only limited to your time, once you reach the end of your time you rewind and start to the back again at the start of the film. perhaps the voice i heard was my older voice trying to give me a advantage this time around, and my wanting to remember was wanting to remember that i have already done this before... all i can do is guess and theorise.

Reply

  • oh yes, i remember being a baby, in some sort of high chair or seat thing in the garden. my parents go into the house and can see them from the kitchen windows. then i hear a voice telling me things such as look after your mother and beware your father because he can be grumpy... no one was there, this was strange voice from nowhere from what i remember.

    i remember understanding english in my head but yet wondering why i cant reproduce that from my voice.

    i then also remember trying hard to hold my memories as i realise i could remember some memories but then other times were blank. so i though to focus on trying to remember my level of sentience as a sort of proof or leg up for when im older... perhaps there was something else i actually wanted to remember but i forgot it....then just could only remember to remember something and then that thought of trying to remember something turned into a thought to try remember my existential being and sentience. but perhaps there was other things that i thought i needed to remember but was lost.

    makes me wonder if as a child we still hold memories of what was before birth, perhaps a past life, perhaps the entire energetic fabric of reality and eternal being... but whatever if i was trying to remember anything beyond this life all i could remember is trying to remember and hold onto a memory for myself in the future to know lol

    perhaps when we die we restart our lives from the beginning, like a vhs tape your existance is only limited to your time, once you reach the end of your time you rewind and start to the back again at the start of the film. perhaps the voice i heard was my older voice trying to give me a advantage this time around, and my wanting to remember was wanting to remember that i have already done this before... all i can do is guess and theorise.

Children
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