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Earliest Memory

Sporadic Sparkly

Having now been a member of the NAS Community for approximately a fortnight, I thought it was about time I got around to starting a discussion, as opposed to simply commenting on discussions started by other members.

The following is an event that happened more than 40 years ago (before anyone knew I was autistic), which I remember in full technicolour glory...

As I had no siblings, my mother had been keen to socialise me with other children before I started nursery school, so had taken me to a playgroup. I guess this means that I would have been aged about 3 or 4 years old.

The playgroup was in a room at the town's rugby club, and the rugby club was located in the town's large park, where there was also a leisure centre and outdoor ski slope.

I remember walking into this room (the playgroup), and my senses being hit by an overwhelming and unpleasant smell of plasticine, along with other smells/odours that I considered equally as unpleasant.

Some of the children were playing together, whilst others were playing on their own. My mother was keen for me to join them, but I didn't want to and refused to leave her side. The more she and the playgroup staff attempted to persuade me to join the other children, the more I protested and insisted that I wanted to be taken back home. Being in this strange and unfamiliar environment was just too traumatic for me. In hindsight, I guess I'd displayed all the hallmarks of an autistic meltdown.

Fortunately (for me), I had caused my mother so much stress that day that she never attempted to take me back to that playgroup.

If you are on the spectrum, do you have any vivid memories of early childhood?

Edited to add: I thought I would ask this question because I sometimes wonder if those of us who are on the Spectrum are better at remembering events from our early childhood.

Also, if your memories are traumatic, please don't feel obliged to share them unless you feel comfortable doing so.

Parents

  • We enjoy our reminescences a lot, don't we?

    I'll skip my earliest memory, because it's a nightmare story you don't need to know in detail involving my ''dad''. I was 4 y.o at that time, I remember my second sister was an infant less than 6 months. It's easy to pinpoint timeframes if you've got sibilings.

    Then there was few from kindergarden - my introduction to being bullied by other boys - I remember being chased around eating room by one boy, I made a chair fall behind me while running away and he tripped over it, smashing his face badly on the back of the chair. 

    One memory I wanted to tell you about happened when I was 5 y.o. The first time I felt awe. My granpa took me to the attic to see newly born kittens. I wasn't one of those kids tormenting animals so their mom allowed me to pick up one. Kitten was the size of half of my tiny hand, and couldn't even stand yet. I know it now that I must have scared him a lot, that's why he was trying to roll off my hand, meowing in panic, I put him back after less than a minute because I was affraid I might drop him and damage him, he was so soft and delicate. I stayed there watching them a long time, I love watching cats play, and kittens are so funny.

    I think we remember more because we have more memories emotionally loaded

  • in reply to Mariusz

    Thank you Mariusz for the childhood memories you have felt able to share.

    I am sure many of us have memories of school bullies. There were two boys who used to bully me because I wore glasses. One of them grabbed my glasses, threw them down on the playground and trod on them. I must have been about 6 years old, and I have never forgotten their names.

    Some may consider it Karma that the boy who had chased you ended up tripping over that chair. I hope he didn't bully you again after that.

    Your memory of the kittens in the attic is so sweet. It seems like that experience might have been responsible for a lifelong fondness of cats. 

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Hi, I think  being bullied could be another entire post on its own. Why do most autistic people get bullied? Are people scared of someone who’s different? It was nursery school when I started masking, the bullies still were able to pick me out all the way through mainstream schooling. We don’t look that different. It’s something that I often think about.

  • in reply to Roy

    That is so sad... about the school being so violent, and also about what happened to your friend's bullying brother. I have heard it said that bullies can often be the victims of bullies themselves.

    When I was at secondary school, there was a lad that would often bully me (not physically). We bumped into each other years later at a wedding. He recognised me and had approached me for a chat. I told him about how his bullying had made me feel, and he was mortified. He had thought his behaviour towards me at school was harmless fun. He was extremely apologetic when he realised that hadn't been the case.

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Hi, I met a school friend a few weeks ago that I hadn’t seen for about 35 years. We went to a very violent boys school, and the conversation went on to how the school had ruined so many lives. The level of violence and mental torture was off the scale. Getting to my point, I asked him how his brother was, he was one of the bullies. He told me that he had died 4 years ago. He had drunk himself to death. My friend said that his brother was the last victim of that school and he had a lot of demons in his head. It turns out that the bully was more messed up than anyone would have thought. I was sad to hear of him passing, none of us really know what goes on in someone else’s head.

  • in reply to Roy

    I'm sure I have seen other discussions on the forum on the topic of bullying. As for why autistic people get bullied, I have no idea. Maybe the bullies don't even know the answer to that.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Roy

    That is so sad... about the school being so violent, and also about what happened to your friend's bullying brother. I have heard it said that bullies can often be the victims of bullies themselves.

    When I was at secondary school, there was a lad that would often bully me (not physically). We bumped into each other years later at a wedding. He recognised me and had approached me for a chat. I told him about how his bullying had made me feel, and he was mortified. He had thought his behaviour towards me at school was harmless fun. He was extremely apologetic when he realised that hadn't been the case.

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    Hi, I met a school friend a few weeks ago that I hadn’t seen for about 35 years. We went to a very violent boys school, and the conversation went on to how the school had ruined so many lives. The level of violence and mental torture was off the scale. Getting to my point, I asked him how his brother was, he was one of the bullies. He told me that he had died 4 years ago. He had drunk himself to death. My friend said that his brother was the last victim of that school and he had a lot of demons in his head. It turns out that the bully was more messed up than anyone would have thought. I was sad to hear of him passing, none of us really know what goes on in someone else’s head.