Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I've been feeling really low lately and something that hasn't helped is the subject matter of a class debate we had the other day. We began to talk about autism and Asperger's Syndrome, and this popular girl who has no communication or social difficulties whatsoever (in fact one of her many gifts is that she makes everyone love her) says, "Everyone's on the spectrum, it's just to what extent. My cousins are autistic, so I know."
And...I know we're all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs. And it's not like that was the first time I had ever heard this theory, and to be quite honest, I'm not the most severely Asperger's person in the world. In fact, you'd probably say I had it quite mildly - particularly if you were an adult meeting me, as adults seem to bring out the best in me in a way that my peers can't. But when I saw her sitting there and just saying that, surrounded by all her friends kissing up to her and agreeing with her, whilst she'd just been going on about the party she was off to the next day, and the gig she was going to soon with another girl on our table, I just wanted to say, "OK. So you believe everyone's got autism. You try living a day in my life - seeing everyone make friends around you whilst you're left completely alone, no matter how hard you try. You try knowing you're different ever since you're old enough to think, and then tell me everyone's on the spectrum, because I think you might feel differently then. You've got no idea how lucky you are! I'd give anything to be accepted and supported by everyone like you are."
Now, I know she doesn't mean that everyone is autistic or AS to the point of diagnosis. She just means that we've all got little tendencies here and there. But, though I wouldn't say it to her or any of the kids at school as it makes me sound like I'm just making trouble or feeling sorry for myself or using any excuse to have a big, dramatic, overemotional reaction, I found it really difficult to hear that from her, and in my personal opinion it's actually quite an insensitive thing to say to/in front of someone with any form of autism. (She does know I have AS, and she says she believes it's true but I don't think she does - none of the others do.)
Am I being out of order?
Thanks for reading,
Liv x
I've read through this thread with interest. I was diagnosed less than two weeks ago, but probably like most people diagnosed as adults, had realised what my 'difference' was before getting as far as the assessment. Before that I was slotted into the box of middle-aged lady with 'anxiety' problems. The doctors refused to see past that even when I attended for physical problems. Basically I was in their 'Anxiety' box and probably destined to stay there forever. I was positive they had stuck me in the wrong box.
Now I must say I am very happy to be in the Asperger's box - it explains me to me. Great! So why must the Asperger's be slotted into Mental Health? To me having an Asperger's diagnosis shows that I am not coming from the doctor's 'Mental Health Box'.
Then I experience as Liv does, the people who regard it as of no consequence - they too have apprehensions about the same things, or friends who do, so I must be putting-it-on. They regard my inability to do things as me making a fuss or just making excuses. In the past I have tried to explain, but have found it impossible to get past that barrier of disbelief.
The truth is that no one knows what it is like from the inside unless you actually are an Aspie. Kind, thoughtful, interested people can listen and try to imagine and understand. But I don't think there is anything one can do about people who perhaps are blinkered and do not even try to understand.
If you are lucky you can walk away from them, though that is not always possible. A situation like that is really hard to deal with. True Colours uses very apt words in that it "trivialises the difficulties we have".