Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I've been feeling really low lately and something that hasn't helped is the subject matter of a class debate we had the other day. We began to talk about autism and Asperger's Syndrome, and this popular girl who has no communication or social difficulties whatsoever (in fact one of her many gifts is that she makes everyone love her) says, "Everyone's on the spectrum, it's just to what extent. My cousins are autistic, so I know."
And...I know we're all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs. And it's not like that was the first time I had ever heard this theory, and to be quite honest, I'm not the most severely Asperger's person in the world. In fact, you'd probably say I had it quite mildly - particularly if you were an adult meeting me, as adults seem to bring out the best in me in a way that my peers can't. But when I saw her sitting there and just saying that, surrounded by all her friends kissing up to her and agreeing with her, whilst she'd just been going on about the party she was off to the next day, and the gig she was going to soon with another girl on our table, I just wanted to say, "OK. So you believe everyone's got autism. You try living a day in my life - seeing everyone make friends around you whilst you're left completely alone, no matter how hard you try. You try knowing you're different ever since you're old enough to think, and then tell me everyone's on the spectrum, because I think you might feel differently then. You've got no idea how lucky you are! I'd give anything to be accepted and supported by everyone like you are."
Now, I know she doesn't mean that everyone is autistic or AS to the point of diagnosis. She just means that we've all got little tendencies here and there. But, though I wouldn't say it to her or any of the kids at school as it makes me sound like I'm just making trouble or feeling sorry for myself or using any excuse to have a big, dramatic, overemotional reaction, I found it really difficult to hear that from her, and in my personal opinion it's actually quite an insensitive thing to say to/in front of someone with any form of autism. (She does know I have AS, and she says she believes it's true but I don't think she does - none of the others do.)
Am I being out of order?
Thanks for reading,
Liv x
I agree with Longman about the 'multiple spectra' idea. Although I don't come across as obviously autistic (which might explain why it took me so long to get a diagnosis), I do consider myself to be quite badly disabled. In other words, although I have learnt to make eye contact in certain situations; put on a cheerful and polite persona; do not speak in a monotone or have any obvious mannerisms, I am very badly affected by the obsessive side of autism; struggle with spontaneous empathy; am extemely egocentric and pedantic; struggle with practical skills and budgeting; and have disabling co-existing OCD and anxieties - almost certainly a product of my particular form of Aspergers. Because of this, I cannot maintain mainstream, full time employment (despite having obtained a 2.1 history degree from my local uni), have no reasonable prospect of developing a relationship any time soon (friendships are hard enough!), and rely on my parents and support workers for basic things.
However, I know people who come across as very obviously Aspergic, but appear to be coping very well. One guy speaks in a monotone, and has obvious communication difficulties, but he has a full time job, and can travel freely (including abroad). Another guy, who was diagnosed as child, now has a full time job, can travel long distances on his own, and has no OCD etc. So I can see how the symptoms of Aspergers interrelate with other symptoms or factors, and so the mono spectrum idea is indeed too simplistic.