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Is travelling okay for my daughter?

NAS76946

Hi everyone, my 7 year old daughter has autism. Myself and her Dad are separating. He met someone else earlier in the year and moved out in October. He has moved 3 hours away with his new girlfriend and two children.

My daughter has stayed in the new house twice and stays on an air bed in one of the child's rooms. The first time she came back my ex didn't bring her back until 8pm on the Sunday, she was so tired she missed school the next day, this then created a lot of anxiety as she was worried about missing school. The second time was last week so school holidays. It took 3 days for my daughter to seem herself, she slept more than usual and just wanted to rest which is unlike her. She also was asking me if I loved her over and over again.

I've told my ex my concerns but he doesn't agree and feels I'm being a difficult ex. He usually just ignores me when I bring things like this up. He wants my daughter to stay every other weekend but I feel this would only be feasible in school holidays due to how tired/anxious she gets. 

I wanted other people's opinions so I know I'm doing the right thing for my daughter and her autism. What do you think is best?

  • Maybe try to ask her? Talk to her about it, ask her what she's feeling and what she wants. Children and autistics both can be surprisingly good at communicating these things sometimes. Other times they're royally bad at it but it's worth it to take a gamble lol

  • Any divorce would probably make a child, never mind an autistic child, stressed and anxious. There is no way to avoid that. The absence of her father will be a stressor just as much as the constant traveling. The best solution is one which minimises the stress. Part of that is time and consistency. Moving from a familiar bedroom to an airbed is going to stressful. It would be good if he could get her something similar to what she has in her room at home to sleep in. Sharing a room with children she doesn't know will also be stressful, at least until she gets to know them, assuming they treat her well.

    Either way its best for her if you work constructively to find a way for her to spend time with her dad regularly that is as unstressful as posable. Because the alternative is that he takes you to court for access and that is likely to stress her far more.

    By the way I bet she asks her dad if he loves her too. The idea that someone can just spontaneously stop loving someone is terrifying to an autistic child. Because if one day you could just stop loving each other, she thinks, what's to say one day you won't just stop loving her.