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Parents of Autistic Students at University

MVstars

Hi

I'm just looking for support as I'm struggling as a parent to support my son at University and at the same time ensure that he has the freedom and time to grow and develop as an adult. After finding the Covid restrictions quite hard last year and not being able to manage his time really well he repeated his Second year. We wanted to give him more freedom and to ensure that he could manage his own time, schedules, etc... However, he found this really difficult. He lives at the University Campus a few hundred miles away from us. I want to help and support him but at the same time ensure that I don't invade too much his personal space and I can see that he is already struggling to keep up but won't ask for help, sometimes he even refuses help for a fear of looking and appearing to be different. Any parents in the same situation there? How do you cope? Sometimes I really worried about his safety too. He has the diagnosis of high functioning autism, which he finds really difficult to accept and talk about it.

Parents

  • Time management is not typically something which comes natural to children let alone to Autistic Individuals. It's an executive function. Sometimes I think this is overridden by other things we might do very well. 

    But I'm curious! As a parent, how have have you taught him to prioritise or what sort of skills have you handed down which you find useful and create efficiency. When I was younger I wasn't even told this was a thing, so it wasn't until my 30's someone spelled it out in what would classify as painful detail. To me, it was rather enlightening detail. Investment of time/resources/social engagements. I can't say I'm amazing at it, but somehow manage.

    I'm more project-driven. Due to not being able to leave things open ended, they get finished, but I do have a working list of the order of things. And try to list what's important vs what can wait - some things don't make money immediately, so they are put on hold. I've found it impossible to both work and maintain a significant other. Being that I'm expected to do both with any relationship, I'm mid-40 and still single. 

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  • Time management is not typically something which comes natural to children let alone to Autistic Individuals. It's an executive function. Sometimes I think this is overridden by other things we might do very well. 

    But I'm curious! As a parent, how have have you taught him to prioritise or what sort of skills have you handed down which you find useful and create efficiency. When I was younger I wasn't even told this was a thing, so it wasn't until my 30's someone spelled it out in what would classify as painful detail. To me, it was rather enlightening detail. Investment of time/resources/social engagements. I can't say I'm amazing at it, but somehow manage.

    I'm more project-driven. Due to not being able to leave things open ended, they get finished, but I do have a working list of the order of things. And try to list what's important vs what can wait - some things don't make money immediately, so they are put on hold. I've found it impossible to both work and maintain a significant other. Being that I'm expected to do both with any relationship, I'm mid-40 and still single. 

Children
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Thank you for your answer, it is really helpful.

    I really like what you said about listing things in terms of priority, I think that would work for him. He does a lot of things really well, he has an amazing memory and ability to connect ideas which amazes me every time. Also, an incredible sense of humour! Sometimes we do end up focusing on the negative side... I think I talked to him about putting things on the calendar (with alerts), but not necessarily prioritizing them.

    I just want to ensure that I can support him without invading too much on his personal life.

    I'm also in my early forties, my son is 20. So I had him when I was young and away from my own parents, I've tried my best to teach him and give him support, but I'm definitely still learning. What you said sounds similar to him, including having to close projects and in terms of social arrangements he manages, he has made some friends at the university, meets them quite often and this is great! Sometimes I think I understand him well, but then I realise that I might not... I know that he experiences time differently than I do and I probably ask too many questions, which overwhelms him.