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Husband waiting on assessment for ASD/ wife in need

NAS75718

Hi all,

Im new here, tiered and exhausted and just looking for some warm encouragement or guidance. 

I’m a married mother of 3, my middle child who is formally diagnosed ASD and who is 10 years old. He’s adorable, and such a pleasure to parent, but as we all know it can become a struggle for both us and our children finding new ways of dealing with ‘today’s’ meltdown. 

anyway, that was just a small insight into my family background. 

Iv been married now for 6, together for 8 years and it’s been a massive battle with my husband (we are know waiting for his assessments for asd) I strongly believe he is autistic his biggest struggles are when we get into disputes or arguments. He really struggled to understand anything from my perspective, hates the fact he’s upset me, doesn’t realise when he’s being rude or coming across aggressive. 

Iv been no spring chicken over the years, and I haven’t been supportive, even though we didn’t question autism till some months ago (it’s been in back of my mind for some time) 

im so mentally drained, I have little confidence left in me and I have this awful wedge stuck between us. He loves me so much, as I do him. He shows it in so many way, but I’m struggling to bond with him now, and I hate hate hate this feeling!! I think to some degree Iv developed some depression, and I know for a fact I have anxieties because of the constant battle and hurt between us both. 

I do love my husband so much, and I want my marriage to work. I’m currently say with self healing book to help straighten me out. But I can’t help but think we need to come to terms with him possibly being autistic and learning how to deal with it.

my husband is quite in denial still as far as ASD is concerned and has mad it clear if he is he does not want anyone knowing and does not want to be treat any differently. I think his diagnosis would be a positive thing and help him to understand his life abit better, and help his family understand and think about things clearer.

sorty if my post is all over the place, Iv tired to get it off my chest without sounding like a rambling mess. 

any advise or experience is very welcome.

thank you so much for reading 

  • Well I strongly advise you to respect his wishes on keeping his condition confidential. He has to come to terms with things in his own time with out having the issue forced. And in some cases not telling people, at least certain people, might be the right thing.

    as for treatment there isn’t very much out there anyway and a lot of it is aimed at young people / children.

    as for understanding your feelings you have a strong role to play in helping him understand them. It’s probably not enough to say A makes me feel bad. You’ve got to explain why. What is the process between A and you feeling bad? What is different about that process in his head and your head that A makes you feel bad but doesn’t make him feel bad? You really have to deconstruct your feelings as you explain them to autistic people sometimes.