My brother asks so many questions

Hi guys 

not sure if I’m in the right place but my brother is 58 and since a young child has always asked questions but it’s like being cross examined in a courtroom at times and as he’s got older it’s worse , I have never had any patience with him and can’t spend too much time in his company as I can’t stand the questions , I’ve always just thought he was annoying but beginning to think he has a ASD, A typical scenario would be 

Me: we just had curry for tea , his questions would then be , did you have it planned ?was it takeaway , have you used them before ?what did you have ? What did Steve have ? How often do you have a curry , how much was it ? Where did you order from before ? Why did you change ? Do they charge for delivery ? Why wouldn’t you go with someone who offered free delivery ! Etc etc etc and these are just an example of a reply to me saying I had a curry ! What I would like to know is this some form of autism as if it is , I would change my attitude towards him in a heartbeat as I love my brother , how would I respond to his questions? ? he is totally in denial about having any problem ! He’s married with a 15 year old son who has his own issues 

any help would be much appreciated  , thank you in advance 

Parents
  • So, let's pretend he's Autistic. If you've ever read a Field Guide To Earthlings (written for autistics to understand society), it states that our Motives are so incredibly different than normal society. That's one of so many books on the matter. Autistics look for Connexion. Normal / Typical humans are 'coded' from a very young age to use language among other behaviours for Competition. 

    In current modern civilisation, Neuro-Normative behaviour includes "Small Talk" (you mention curry and expect a desired response), a thing which perplexes even the most advanced intellectual autistics. Small talk can be a way of creating inclusion by repeating the same base secret codes back and forth. It can also be a way of sizing up competition or investigating the apex human in the room. Because autistics don't appear to have a heightened ability to use this emotion/linguistics Brain Lobe for reasoning, they've never been on the 'same page', so they're always perplexed by this type of conversing. 

    Many of us use our back of the head, Visual Lobe to reason. So, you mention curry and suddenly, like a bubble chart, an entire movie rolls in my head and I need to fill in the gaps. If I'm actually asking you questions, it is a matter of connecting to that evening you had. I want to be part of it. I don't bother asking questions to humans I don't have an affinity for. 

    From a Neuro-Normative or Neuro-Typical brain structuring, the cognitive bias would assume everyone has the same motives and as a result, perceive his response similar to a defence attorney rather than as a bestie excited about jumping into a Ball Pit with me in his over-active imagination. 

    How to tell the difference. Autistic individuals can be a bit odd or awkward socially. They have a difficult time with manipulation or "playing the room". They can be too pragmatic. They might appear as a little dark rain cloud. Sociopathic behaviour (which is neurotic with a bit extra) involves being relatively skilled at lying add a stunning magnetism. They're not irritating! They might actually be lawyers or be successful, charismatic, they thrive on just how 'cool' their essence is and tend to make you feel good about yourself whilst ringing you out to dry. 

    My suggestion is ask your brother what is happening in his imagination when you bring up the curry situation. He may not know immediately, as until we find space and time to extract ourselves from everything in society which is causing trauma, we think our brains are blank, but actually they're just on overload. He may respond to you in a few years. 

    To be honest, autism isn't a problem, our brains can be amazing. Some have added disabilities. But how society operates can make it difficult for us to function. Sociopaths and psychopaths are never autistic, they're extremes of Neuro-Typical as coded by society. 

  • To add, you could let your brother know that his "questions are difficult for me. In most social situations, these would be classified as 'interrogation' and as anti-social and used to dominate. Are you looking to have a competition or play a game?" 

    Being straight forward is the perfect way to work out if he has an autistic brain. We feel relieved with direct communication while a sociopath might be 'offended'. However, you must facilitate open reasoning and not have the slightest motive to compete or dominate him. Desire genuine connexion. Desire to understand. Once you are in this space, then you may get an honest answer. 

Reply
  • To add, you could let your brother know that his "questions are difficult for me. In most social situations, these would be classified as 'interrogation' and as anti-social and used to dominate. Are you looking to have a competition or play a game?" 

    Being straight forward is the perfect way to work out if he has an autistic brain. We feel relieved with direct communication while a sociopath might be 'offended'. However, you must facilitate open reasoning and not have the slightest motive to compete or dominate him. Desire genuine connexion. Desire to understand. Once you are in this space, then you may get an honest answer. 

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