my friend has many autistic traits, but is unable to get an official diagnosis, what to do?

Its up to her whether she feels comfortable ignoring her parents or not. Legally they cant prevent her going for a diagnosis but I guess they can put a lot of pressure on her not to 

Alot of parents have a hard time accepting autism but theyre attitude does sound quite harsh 

what if your parents tell you to act normal and that you are not allowed to do it?

I dont think you need parental permission to get an autism diagnoisis as far as I know. She could probably go and have a doctors appointment without her mom

I dont know that for sure though 

So I sent my friend who was in your position a photo of your question and they sent the following comments/advice:

Talk to them about what their specific needs/difficulties are and try to find accommodations, i.e; stim tools and other sensory accommodations, ways to communicate, etc

Self diagnosis is valid

If they feel they are autistic after extensive research, chances are they are

It's ok to identify as autistic without a 'proper' diagnosis

It's ok to use aids developed for autistics without a diagnosis

Hope that is useful  

Hi, I was your friend in this case, with two clinically diagnosed friends and one of their mothers trying to get me to get assessed while my mum wasn't at all receptive to the idea.

In the end, I waited until I was 18 and then immediately (the week of my birthday) started the process with my GP by myself. The reason I didn't start even slightly earlier, was that the diagnosis time was on an average of 3 years in my area and although you get medical autonomy at 16 I would still have been assessed by the paediatric services which base more heavily on parental opinion and observation and sometimes turning 18 mid-diagnosis can cause you to have to start from the beginning with the adult services. Something to bring up with the GP at the start if this may become relevant to you. My mum has since come around quite a bit since my GP referred my and triage forwarded me to full assessment, and she and dad even agreed to get my younger brother, who also shows many traits, assessed. I don't know how long your friend is off turning 18, but bearing in mind that it isn't forever was helpful for me.

In the meantime one thing you can do are collect data and evidence. Make a list of their traits and track how often they come up and in what ways they are impacting their life. This will be helpful in convincing both their mother and the GP to get a referral. Also, talk to the relevant people at school if you think they will be able to help at all (my school nurse was helpful in helping me book a GP appointment) and look at coping mechanisms to help your friend without a diagnosis. For instance, one of my close friends got me stim toys and encouraged me to use them as well as helping me find effective sound control methods which helped with my sensory issues in school. I also got an established safe space that I could go to during breaks, lunches and frees in 6th Form when the general areas were too overwhelming for me.

Hope this helps and wishing the best for you and your friend

Depending on how old your friend is they may not need their parents permission to book doctors appointments. Have they written a list of reasons why they think they’re autistic or done any online AQ tests?

bea said:

me and my friend are teens, and my friend has many autistic traits.

What kind of traits? Has anyone else noticed them apart form you?

bea said:

i am clinically diagnosed autistic, but my friend's mum doesn't really accept this

Your friend's mum doesn't accept your official diagnosis? Or doesn't accept autism in general?

bea said:

what do we do?

Has your friend spoken to their GP or anyone about this? That would be a good idea. 

bea said:

i really want to help my friend, but i don't know how

It's nice to want to share things with a friend. And when you have a friend and spend time with them, it's normal to want them to be like you in as many ways as possible. Continue to be a friend to your friend. That's all you can do.