What made you realise you have/might have autism?

Well, it has been apparent that something was amiss for over 50 years. But as no one else ever took any real interest, there didn't seem much point in bothering myself. I just got on with life and making a mess of things.

In the new millennium, I started noticing this term Asperger's in the media; nearly always it was mentioned in an almost derogatory sense. so I gradually started researching it; mainly because I was intrigued as to why quite a few folk found any mention of it so offensive. I began to notice that the BBC site was a bit more inclined than most to give the subject some credence. After a few years of reading its links to NAS info on Autism Awareness events, I suddenly had an almost satori moment - reading just one article - in which I realised that it was basically talking about people like myself.

Self-identification followed on quite quickly from that at age 59, after I'd also gone looking elsewhere for info. There was absolutely no one interested in the country in which I had lived as an expat for about 25 years already, so I eventually took myself off to my native UK for a positive assessment of Asperger's/ASD at age 61; having spent months before hand compiling a very long history of my lifelong issues.

But that wasn't really the end of it. I suppose that the problem with self-identification is that even when you are diagnosed, you often still keep going through an almost  daily cycle of both rejection and eventual re-acceptance. That went on for about 3 years, and then died down for a bit; before restarting during the COVID era. However, I cannot really emphasise too much that my identification with ASD/ASC has actually got even stronger as a result of Covid lockdown. That's because I've had plenty of solitary time to reflect on my issues, and even realise further behaviours that I hadn't given too much thought to previously.

I obviously realised quite early on in life that i was struggling with things that others found quite simple; so I quite early on adopted a non risk-taking approach to life, in order to cope. That approach to life is apparently unacceptable to the majority of people caught up in the modern-day Punch & Judy show we all now live in. It is now very obvious to me that I thus annoy almost everyone, eventually. However, in my own inimitable way, I reckon I am actually rather thick-skinned. Sure, that attitude probably continues to make my alienation even worse; but it also seems to strengthen my personal resolve to carry on, regardless!

I have recently been engaged in a FB alumni group. There are certainly people on that site with whom I have quite a few things in common. I can now look back quite easily and realise that I was almost certainly not the only one in that group on the so-called spectrum. But of course, most of the people who could perhaps be classified thus dropped out of the system before graduation, never to be seen again. What a waste! There was some genuine talent there. I stuck the course, but in some ways wish I hadn't; Dropping out earlier would have allowed me to create a few more alternative alliances a bit earlier on. I think I might be gracefully dropping out of the alumni group before long. It's beginning to turn me into too much of the reflective practitioner.

The thing I keep noticing is this: without a keen interest in playing sport you are nearly always going to be peripheral. Well there are also some other hobbies that allow one to be the centre of at least some attention, but I also blew those by taking my work too seriously. I actually have multiple (and frequently changing) interests, but that doesn't help much either.

To be labelled strange, one really doesn't have to do much beyond avoiding sports and other very social pastimes. There is obviously a very wide perception that such avoidance automatically renders you lacking in the essential team spirit to be a social and occupational success.

There are seemingly quite a few people out there who are probably a great deal more weird and dangerous than myself; but they play the system just well enough to be socially acceptable and even popular; totally regardless of their actual performing ability. But I have also seen quite a lot of these eventually crash & burn in the most dramatic of finales.

I have recently been engaged in a FB alumni group. There are certainly people on that site with whom I have quite a few things in common. I can now look back quite easily and realise that I was almost certainly not the only one in that group on the so-called spectrum. But of course, most of the people who could perhaps be classified thus dropped out of the system before graduation, never to be seen again. What a waste! There was some genuine talent there. I stuck the course, but in some ways wish I hadn't; Dropping out earlier would have allowed me to create a few more alternative alliances a bit earlier on. I think I might be gracefully dropping out of the alumni group before long. It's beginning to turn me into too much of the reflective practitioner.

The thing I keep noticing is this: without a keen interest in playing sport you are nearly always going to be peripheral. Well there are also some other hobbies that allow one to be the centre of at least some attention, but I also blew those by taking my work too seriously. I actually have multiple (and frequently changing) interests, but that doesn't help much either.

To be labelled strange, one really doesn't have to do much beyond avoiding sports and other very social pastimes. There is obviously a very wide perception that such avoidance automatically renders you lacking in the essential team spirit to be a social and occupational success.

There are seemingly quite a few people out there who are probably a great deal more weird and dangerous than myself; but they play the system just well enough to be socially acceptable and even popular; totally regardless of their actual performing ability. But I have also seen quite a lot of these eventually crash & burn in the most dramatic of finales.