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How to cope better with social events

NAS68972

Hi. Not sure if this is the right place to post but I’d like to think I can vent on here without fear of judgment. I’m just wondering how everyone else copes with long drawn out social events like parties and weddings? I’m diagnosed adhd but I think I have autism too and I find I have to work very very hard to blag my way through get togethers eg mask my backside off. But I can only do this for a few hours and then the anxiety rises massively and I just want to go home. I have a wedding to go to at the end of July and since I’ve known the date I’ve stressed about it. I’m going with my partner and we are staying overnight  at the venue so I’ll have somewhere to retreat to if things get to much but I’m anxious that people will notice me sneaking off. Truth be told I don’t really want to go. I feel that sounds nasty as i do want to see the happy couple get married but it’s going to be a very long day as they get married at 11 in the morning and it doesn’t finish until gone midnight. Plus the fact I hate my appearance and just getting myself ready is a challenge. I’m rubbish with make up and hair, I’m slightly overweight and generally don’t feel comfortable wearing a dress etc. I can’t cope with constant small talk with people I don’t know either. Is there anything I can do to make this a little easier?

  • That's a long day! It's a long day for anyone to contend with and would try most people.

    Other people who wouldn't about this sort of stuff as much would just take them off the their room for a rest if they needed it. Why will anyone notice if you have snook off? The bride and groom are focus of the day, no-one will notice if you disappear for a bit. Small talk - ask people about themselves, they love talking about themselves. Take yourself off for little breaks (toilet / hotel room / outside) as and when. Stand with your partner while they do the talking to take the pressure off. Wear what you are comfortable in - it doesn't have to be conventional wedding attire does it? Dance when the music comes on so you can have a good time but don't have to talk to others.

  • Say you're worried about the latest Covid statistics and say you're afraid to go. I have had a year off from socialising and it's been great for my mental health. I am always happy to chat on line or phone but parties and get togethers can wait.

  • in reply to Caelus

    I do try to dance but I feel like people are looking at me as I can’t really dance lol. I think the fast my mental health has taken a knock these last few months and I’m not feeling great isn’t helping things. I don’t want to go to a wedding and be miserable so I’ll have to find it in me somewhere to be bubbly and sociable. 

  • in reply to NAS68972

    ^ drink is good way to soothe anxiety lol
    and dancing is always a bad idea, dancing is pretty cringe.

  • in reply to Caelus

    Hiya. It’s a family members wedding. I do have some friends but not many. My family are all very loud and boisterous love a good party dance all night long etc. I like a good time to but I don’t really do dancing. I don’t drink much usually but I find I drink more than usual at family get togethers as I’m so anxious it helps get me though it. I just hate the fact I feel like I’m not normal and I really wish I could be like most other adults who look forward to weddings and parties. 

  • no friends to be invited to social events lol

    but the few times like family event i get dragged to i generally just end up sitting somewhere keeping myself to myself. 
    not that i can do anything else, the idea of mingling with people is weird as id just feel not wanted anyway and a intruder. not that id have anything to say anyway.