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Explaining my disorder to my friends and making a structure to help me get better at social awareness

NAS71288

Hi everyone,

Long story short, I have two close friends (we’re 19) who I absolutely adore and cherish, but recently there was an incident where miscommunication from some parties made a mess that needs cleaning up and preventing.

I was talking to Friend 1 about some of my struggles with friend 2, because the attempts I did make with Friend 2 seemed to fall on deaf ears and i never got a response. Friend 1 wanted to sort out it so talked to the other about what was going on, but I got a message about the friend preferring to be talked to directly about issues with her and also to ask when “venting” to people. 

In short, friend 2 wants me to not vent to friend 1 about her, which is understandable if i could go to her, but then says that shes too drained to deal with anything for the time being. She’s aware I have Aspergers, but she mentioned that shes aware of my rambling and not being able to catch on, and tells me to be “more wary”, which I'm going to really struggle actually being, without her and my friends help.

Do you guys have any suggestions as to how I can enable my friends to support me when I don't pick things up, or even with rambling, so we don't get into struggles like this one? I think she’s open to hear it but very worried it might sound dumb and just need to see all the options. :)

Friend 2 really cares, but is quite stubborn about her perspective, and I also want to explain what was going on in my head (or what i saw), so any help on that would be really helpful. I understand her points and just want to prevent any future damage

Parents

  • Hi - talking with people about people is asking for trouble.    I'm a bloke so it's easier for me to stay away from that subject - we'll talk about cars or holidays or hobbies or what we're doing or places we're going.    

    I can only suggest being open and honest - real friends accept your errors and blunders - transient friends move on if you're not convenient any more - and there's nothing you can do to stop it.   

    Normal people (NTs) tend to be all about status - so if you accidentally damage their perceived status, they can see you as an enemy.    Secrets and lies sustain their status - anyone who can accidentally let the cat out of the bag is considered a risk.

    I explain my Asperger's as like living in a noisy, smelly, smokey, bright, dazzling Vegas Casino - everything is too stimulating - and that's my start point - try living and working and sleeping in that environment.

    Tread carefully!    Smiley

Reply

  • Hi - talking with people about people is asking for trouble.    I'm a bloke so it's easier for me to stay away from that subject - we'll talk about cars or holidays or hobbies or what we're doing or places we're going.    

    I can only suggest being open and honest - real friends accept your errors and blunders - transient friends move on if you're not convenient any more - and there's nothing you can do to stop it.   

    Normal people (NTs) tend to be all about status - so if you accidentally damage their perceived status, they can see you as an enemy.    Secrets and lies sustain their status - anyone who can accidentally let the cat out of the bag is considered a risk.

    I explain my Asperger's as like living in a noisy, smelly, smokey, bright, dazzling Vegas Casino - everything is too stimulating - and that's my start point - try living and working and sleeping in that environment.

    Tread carefully!    Smiley

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