Vivid Dreams

This is an interesting topic, something like this is hard to talk about because dreaming is so personal and 'internal' to a person it's like describing colours to someone who was born blind.

For my self I don't dream often but when I do they are vivid and are nightmares 99% of the time the most recent one I had was where I was basically killing people (people that I don't know) and I didn't want to do it but I couldn't stop I won't go into detail but its was very ... graphic and traumatising for me when I woke up because I though it was real. as I'm typing this I have a question for anyone who wants to answer that is on the spectrum.

When you dream are they usually nice or more often nightmares?

My son had a recurring nightmare of being forced to kill one parent. It was horrendous!! When he finally told me I told him he could kill me in the dream as I'm magical and will always be with him. LOL But serious though. I knew why he had that dream too. His father (we split when my son was 2) was always demanding loyalty as if I were the competition. In fact, when my son wanted to stay with me for the summer at 10, his father responded with, "but who will take care of your cat?" Now, I don't need to get into the anger I've been processing and resolving for years. However, his father passed away. So, letting it live and let die. 

I often have enjoyable dreams or incredibly random dreams. When I worked out Lucid Dreaming, it was fun. I was always flying over fantastic night skies, the world would be sparkling but hues of blues and greens. Lush gardens and architecture... But I often have dreams where it is Crowded! Hundred or thousands of humans. I hate crowds. And how do I invent all these faces. It seems they're associated with feeling pressured and trapped and typically overworked.

Sometimes dreams are as random and indulgent as daydreaming or escaping. Sometimes they're deep-rooted fears which need addressing. The first thing I hear you say is the need to share yours. A thing kept in secret can turn into a monster. I'd find a trusted source or even a therapist - or even just a helpline (Haha) and unload!!  Even this space can be good if you feel comfortable. 

Technically, it's perfectly fine to kill others in our dreams. "Kill your darlings" is a nice quote - things society has echoed which are worth killing. Destruction and deconstruction, decay are part of a life cycle. Necessary to further life. NTs especially love a good dance with the symbolic! Jung wrote an extensive deal on dreams. Everything permitted in them. The mind is a powerful dimension. Allow yourself the space to be however you wish in them as perhaps this might be the next step in enjoying them. 

100% agree with you I am looking into seeing a therapist that primarily works with autistic people it might help me just to work out how I feel about things it's hard for me t talk to my family about what I feel because they don't get my thought processes and I don't always know what I'm feeling in the moment or if I'm feeling the correct feelings I think that's partly because of my autism.

I also have great deal of very intrusive violent thoughts throughout my days that aren't necessarily directed towards myself or other people it can be quite random not sure if that is an autistic thing or not but my nightmares tend to happen when I have a spat of a lot of intrusive thoughts so maybe its my subconscious working it all out. I'm not a violent/aggressive person in the slightest I'm very much the opposite and none of what happens in head would ever make it's way into reality so it's quite jarring when I have SUCH violent dreams where I AM the one that honestly does monstrous things.

When I wake up I have moment of panic because it felt so real but then I remember it was dream and I'm ok but what bothers the most when I have these dreams is the fact I find very difficult to not think about it when I'd really rather not.

100% agree with you I am looking into seeing a therapist that primarily works with autistic people it might help me just to work out how I feel about things it's hard for me t talk to my family about what I feel because they don't get my thought processes and I don't always know what I'm feeling in the moment or if I'm feeling the correct feelings I think that's partly because of my autism.

I also have great deal of very intrusive violent thoughts throughout my days that aren't necessarily directed towards myself or other people it can be quite random not sure if that is an autistic thing or not but my nightmares tend to happen when I have a spat of a lot of intrusive thoughts so maybe its my subconscious working it all out. I'm not a violent/aggressive person in the slightest I'm very much the opposite and none of what happens in head would ever make it's way into reality so it's quite jarring when I have SUCH violent dreams where I AM the one that honestly does monstrous things.

When I wake up I have moment of panic because it felt so real but then I remember it was dream and I'm ok but what bothers the most when I have these dreams is the fact I find very difficult to not think about it when I'd really rather not.