worried sick about my 2 year olds fussy eating

Can I be very frank with you about the kind of things my son does (which some mums probably would not dare talk about)?  I hope I can, so here goes:  Regarding being fussy about his food, my son began to have an aversion at around school age where he only liked ham sarnies.  He would eat what he called "dry food" as he did not like the feel of lumps in things or of moistness from food on his lips.  He has on occassions rubbed his lips dry, with his clothes, tissue, a cushion cover to anything that he can get hold of. He has rubbed them until they bleed.  If he spills something on the table he will lick it up directly off the table and even I have known him to see a mark on our kitchen floor that looks like food and has bent down and licked the floor!   His range of food has increased slightly but what I have found more useful is to give him his own what I call "snack box" which is the top container in our floor standing fridge.  Between the meals he has trouble eating,  when allowed to be independent, he, if hungry will go and help himself to what I have put in his snack box.  I vary this so that I can test what foods he likes and which he will not even try without the pressure of me sitting watching him and encouraging him.  My son also developed a finger pointing gesture and a screwed up facial expression which was like he was coming up to you to shoot you.  He would invade personal space and even I at first felt it a little intimidating.  The more attention I gave it the more he did this.  WHen he gets stressed he also does like a tongue sticking, lip licking thing like a snake does as it is going along.  I found out one day he was mimicking a creature from the Deadly 60 programme as he liked it. It is like that in order to deal with his feelings he needs to put himself in the shoes of something else.  The theories of ASD lie in a "detachment of self actualisation or the separation of the soul of the person kind of thing".  This may be a way your child is trying to communicate with you.  By his tongue sticking out it may be his way of telling you he loves you (if he does not speak) or that he is busy inside his mind thinking of things he wants to play with.  As my son has a fixation for Star Wars now his facial expressions and mimicking is that of either Darth Vader or a battle drone.  I often would simply ask my child "why do you stick your tongue out?  or "who does that?" and then he usually tells me.  It is quite funny as most expressions he does or things he comes out with are quotes from childrens CBBC (as I restrict TV and limit it to CBBC stuff or family disney films).  My son also won't sit properly on our loo seat - he prefers to squat with his feet on it for a number 2 (bet they did not tell you about that one) and he forgets to drink (is so preoccupied with other things that he genuinely forgets)!  I found a poo handprint on the toilet wall and also toothpaste squeezed out all over the basin yesterday and all of the deodrant tops filled with water and lined up on the toilet cistern!  He was apparently distracted whilst having a poo (this is my 6 year old) by the fact that the toothpaste tube looked like a green light sabre from Star Wars and then had had to simply have a battle (in the middle of having a poo apparently), thus explaining the rows of tops with water in (as they apparently were the guards in the battle)! So - enlightening it is, strange sometimes, difficult to get your head around, but this is my sons Asperger "normal" way of thinking.  I did wonder why he was taking so long and now pop my head around the door and prompt "have you flushed the toilet, is there toilet paper that should be in the toilet and not on the floor, have you washed your hands etc?  simple routines with the constant distraction of noises and stimuli make even going to the loo difficult.  I asked him the other day if he has a poo at school ever and he says no he cannot cos there are too many noises and he is scared to go!  He also hates heat and insists on cuddling right up to a freezing cold radiator at night with his favourite soft blanket.  He has gone to the lengths of putting his blanket in our freezer also to Keep him cold.  Blankets are not something one would normally find in your freezer so at first I thought it was bizarre - but now as we have grown used to his quirks I know instantly usually where he would have left items/toys etc! Brian as you say is a man and he will deal with and begin to understand things in the way men do and this was something I had to get my head around with my hubby.  He tried experimenting with our son when he refused to eat etc and this caused huge rows between us.  It did not help as he had had two neurotypical children from his first marriage and so I think he thought our son was simply acting up and that all he needed was a good old dose of old fashioned discipline.  He has quickly learned that a child with aspergers need to be treated completely different from a neurotypical child as the usual ways to managing behaviour can often escalate an aggressive outburst and cause high levels of anxiety for him and in turn destroy his self confidence.  Brian and you will need to be very strong as a couple and work together for the sake of your child.  The best thing we now do is have specific "family time" which is planned as a specific fun activity which we can all do together and that makes us all feel happy and relaxed.  We went bowling today and it was so lovely to see our son dancing around the whole room to the background music and sticking his tongue out when he missed knocking the balls over, despite the strange looks of the other people in the bowling alley!  We also went recently to a bunk house which was fun and alot better than a conventional B and B or hotel.  This is where all families can come and stay and as it is in one big lodge thing our son can wander around and watch others playing which is good also for him.  The lodge is also near to Landmark Park which is a big climbing rope walk for young kids.  Doing family fun activities like this are so important for you all.  This gives our son a sense that he belongs away from the stresses and strains of his schooling.  xxx

hi again - life sounds to very difficult for you all right now - people on here understand that so drop in whenever you want to.  Remember you can't possibly learn and do everything at once.  There's a lot to take in so cut yourself some slack.  You will in time adjust to changed circumstances but everyone adjusts in their own time/at their own rate.  This must have come as such a shock to you so be kind to yourselves.  Remember it's difficult for your little one as well.  The more you learn the more you'll realise how much he needs you to help him.  As you learn, you'll know how better to help him. You are very important to him.  Remember you can come here anytime and posters will try to help.  bw

ok thank you i have read so much to the point were i feel im going to explode trying to take it all in is so hard i have tried putting bit on his plate but he just hits the plate out my hand i will try laying food out i feel like im fighting a loosing battle at the moment like im trying to learn every day his ways. Crazy to think only a few months ago he could speak and feed him self was fine and now everything has just gone he acomplete diffrent child

hi - I wouldn't try to make him eat the same as the rest of you - it won't work out.  He could well have sensory issues with the taste of certain foods, including how they feel in his mouth.  He probably finds this unpleasant so refuses to eat these foods.  It would be worth asking for a dietician's opinion about what he's eating.  It's also worth leaving food items around on a plate somewhere that are a bit different from what he usually eats.  Without the pressure on him he could possibly try some.  Also you could put a minute amount of a food he doesn't eat on the edge of his plate or next to his plate, then leave it up to him whether or not he chooses to try it.  Don't make a big deal out of meal-times.  It'll make things worse.  Also have a look around this site via the home page + also the posts to help you learn more about autism.  bw