Agnostic. I had an emotional experience which I attributed to "god" then watched Derren Brown take a committed atheist through a conversion experience.
"Honest to God" by AT Robinson, written in 1960, is a favourite of mine and caused quite a stir in the day. I have an old battered copy that I re-read occasionally. I've read a fair bit of theology and was in the charismatic movement for a while. Was glad to see the back of it. After a while I identified more with liberal theologians and (by traditional standards) the heretics.
Is there a "god"? Who knows? I'm not even sure if the definition means anything, or if there was one what that encounter would look like. What I can say is that after my time in circles where god was supposed to be an everyday reality, and spending more time in prayer lines than I have in bus queues, not one in-tune-with-god-pastor/evangelist spoke about my autism. They were very good at quoting a scripture, or giving some meaningless "prophecy" - but anyone can do that. *I* did that.
When I found out I was on the spectrum. it was two decades later and everything made sense. More than religion ever did.
Having said that I appreciate the power of myth, ritual, meaning-making and storytelling. Druidry appeals because of the connection to nature and the seasons - I celebrated the winter solstice online this year and found it an enriching experience. Very fond of Quakerism too, only because of it's reflective nature and commitment to "doing good" - and their fantastic silent meeting where anyone can weigh in. Less about what you believe and more about what you do. I also do Tai Chi and attend humanist conferences.
So I'm open to mystery and wonder, how we create meaning from that, as well as facing the reality of living. In sense of a roadmap -I lean towards Ubuntu which is less about god and more about living well.
"Religions are invented to control people" is one of the views. It's a fairly compelling view as religion has tended to be quite good at keeping people 'in line' over many centuries.
I wonder about the lack of anything after death. If there is nothing after death, then when the people that live after us die out and we get forgotten, was it all worth it?
