I'm in a strange and uncomfortable situation. Through my whole life, I've been pushing the envelope and I've done some incredible things - my limitations have always been waiting for the people around me to catch up or financial limitations waiting for funding to carry on pushing forward.
I've always felt like the captain of a ship - I know my destination (retirement, downsizing, escape to the country etc.) and everyone else has been shooting holes in the bottom of my boat - but I was able to keep on course..
I'm not very well right now - but I feel somewhat useless. I'm unable to push forward. I'm not waiting for anyone or finances - it's just me. I've run aground.
I'm spending my days eating and sleeping, feeling ill and watching tv.
It feels really strange to be non-productive. I'm not moving forwards. I'm, at best, just treading water.
I'm in uncharted territory - I feel I'm in the wrong place - like an alien in my own life.
I don't like it.
