Single dad advice needed.

Hi all, new here and looking for some advice. Firstly, please allow me to give a history of events.

About twelve years ago, I had a brief relationship with a woman which resulted in a child. The relationship ended during the pregnancy. The mother had three other children and my son. After my son was born, the local authority became involved with his mother after several reports of neglect. In 2012, after around a year of court hearings, I was given custody of my son, then aged two. His siblings were taken into care. The court ordered that my son lived with me and had two hours of supervised contact, once a week with his mother.

Around the time my son began nursery, it was noticable that he was developing some quirks including flapping and tiptoeing. Initially, it was suspected that some of my son's behaviour might have been as a result of attachment issues, however, it became apparent over the following years that he was more likely to have ASD.

Since my son came to live with me , he was provided with a stable, loving home and cared for mainly by myself but also my parents when I was working. My son was used to seeing his mum once weekly and never questioned it. This changed in 2018 after his mother applied to the court for more contact with my son. The judge, in his infinite wisdom, concluded that my son's mother had turned her life around and was capable of caring for my son. I knew that she was still the same person but had no way of proving it. He gave her 50/50 contact with overnight stays.

At first, this arrangement worked well and gave me much more freedom to do the things I enjoyed but I was never fully confident that mum could be trusted. My son's behaviour started to change and appeared to regress.

In early 2020, after a few assesements ,my son was given a diagnosis of ASD.

In July 2020, my son's mum started displaying some strange and concerning behaviour. She had seperated from her partner of around five years. In August, during contact she basically abducted my son and left town without explanation as to why and where she had gone. After contacting police I found out that she'd fled to a women's refuge but would have to go back to court to get my son back. Although this was extremely distressing for me, I knew that my son would also be distressed. Whatsapp calls to him confirmed this as I heard him ask his mum several times if he could come home. I applied for a child enforcement order and in the beginning of September the court ordered that my son was retuned to me.

Since then, I would not allow direct contact between my my son and his mother as I was extremely concerned about her mental health. I did however, encourage indirect contact but my son declined as he said "it doesn't feel like my mum anymore" but I knew he was finding this upsetting.

During all of this, I had also been served court papers as mum had applied for a non molestation order against me, accusing me of domestic abuse. This was to go to a court hearing in November. The day before the hearing I was contacted by the local authority as they were concerned about mum and could not contact her. On the day of the hearing , I contacted social services to ask if the'd managed to contact mum but told me she had been found dead on the previous day. She'd taked her own life. This came as a huge shock and I was dreading telling my son. I went to my son's school that day after his headteacher advised me I should tell him as soon as possible what had happened.

As you can Imagine, this was very upsetting for my son and has had an effect on his behaviour. He has become angry, frustrated and has started hitting himself. We are awaiting bereavement councelling for my son. This has also had an impact on my parents as they are now back in the position of being carers for my son whilst I am working and as they're approaching their 80's they're also finding it difficult. As I believe that I should be there for my son as much as possible, I have found myself in a position where I am having to decline overtime at work. This is having a financial impact and this is where I need advise.

As a person who has worked all his life and has never claimed benefits, this goes against the grain but I am wondering what allowances I would be intitled to being the carer of an autistic child and Is the claiming process complicated?

Are there any parents out there who are claiming for a child with autism who can give me the best advise?

Does any level of autism qualify or does it have to be severe?

 Thanks in advance.