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ADHD ASD Feel let down by the system

Susan

Hi, I have had a really horrible day , my son who has ADHD & ASD has now been excluded from school for tomorrow and I will need to take him in on Friday morning for a meeting .

when I picked him up from school I asked ‘How was your day?

he relied ‘ Mm it was ok but there was a small incident , so I asked what was the incident ? He replied with ‘Oh the head of year said he will call you but it’s fine it all sorted out . 
Ten minutes after I arrived home the school calls and informed me that my son was in isolation most of the day as he had taken a knife from the CDT lesson and had it in his bag in the playground. After a discussion with him this evening he told me that he didn’t know he picked up the knife as when I’m the lesson he wasn’t following instructions or behaving appropriately so they asked him to leave the lesson , he says he picked up his work and the craft knife was within his work and he didn’t know it was there ! My question to him was when he realised he had the knife why he didn’t take it to a teacher or the school reception, he says he doesn’t know . The donor believe him as his lies are so bad I don’t believe even when he could be telling the truth . So now he is excluded for safety reasons which I totally understand. I’ve had a long and lengthy conversation with him regarding this tonight and I don’t know what else to do ? I am really struggling with his behaviour and lies . It has affected my life so much and seems to be heating worse . On our last CAMHS review I was told to contact the AFSO which I did and she gave me some good advice but also then mentioned I should get back in touch with CAMHs which I have tried but I have heard nothing yet ... why is it so hard to get any help ?

Parents

  • dont think this is a bad as it first appears

    just explain that knifes are dangerous  and used to kill people  and hurt people.

    Ask him not to do it again and sign a statement to that effect and stick on the fridge.

    tell him if he is upset its ok to be upset.

    He very young and u do learn by making mistakes 

    i have done so much worse. 

    ask him if he wants a knife.  He may have a knife/gun obsession kicking off. I had one.

    I have a very different mortality and view of all rules and laws.

    My dad had to explain what to do in many situations to keep me from going wrong.  

    its all about intention,,  u have said nothing about his intention .... if he had no intention of hurting anyone then hes fine, i mean he' s not  nasty and broke some rules

    i am thinkin years ahead long term

    and you have done nothing wrong 

    his lying is worrying  it seems incredibly defensive and a very low esteem type strategy to life. 

    sorry I'm not being much help  just trying to point out things from a different view

  • in reply to aidie

    You are helping by replying and I really do appreciate that. I can try this with him , there doesn’t seem to be any intent however trying to get the message across is hard and in explaining the situation and how serious it is he will just look at me with blank expression and I know that what I say is going straight through him and not sinking in at all 

  • in reply to Susan

     writing it down, asking him to read it and sign it,  slows the process right down and it might work

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