Hi,
This is my first post on here but I really need some opinions.
I apologise in advance for the length.
I have a 2 year old son who is currently being assessed for suspected autism. I felt like I knew since he was a baby but had to fight for a referral as my health visitor didn't believe anything was wrong. Now, he's older and the signs are more obvious, hand flapping, delayed speech, covers ears at noise etc.
Anyway, when I was doing research over a year ago, I began to read about the differences between male and female traits. Honestly, it felt like a glass shattering in my head. I started to cry as I read about the experiences of girls on the spectrum and realised how much it all related to me. I have always struggled socially, struggled is putting it lightly. I don't have any close friends and any friendships I do form are fleeting. As a child I had intense interests, one example being Egypt and archaeology. Around the age of 6 I would read textbooks, draw timelines, maps and pictures from mythology, I also taught myself to read basic hieroglyphs. Obsessions like these were common in my childhood and now.
I have sensory issues, noise feels painful to me, like a screwdriver going through my head, I've always hated being touched or hugged, certain smells make me gag, if my children are climbing all over me (or any other stimulation) I feel agitated, like there is an itch under my skin and I can barely hold it together. When I was a child I had to touch everything, I would run my hand along walls, trees, fences, everything.
I haven't struggled academically, I taught myself to read before I started school. I got through primary school ok, but secondary was one of the worst experiences of my life. I had one close friend from primary who moved away and from then on I crumpled. I was bullied, had no friends, I felt like an alien. I didn't know how to interact and I've always felt overly conscious of eye contact, I have to force myself to make it and I still have to keep glancing away. I would cut my uniform up, fake being ill and many other things to try and avoid school. I considered whether I had a learning disability and people just weren't telling me. I became anxious and depressed and then came the self harming. I would scratch at my thighs until I bled and bite my arms. I was taken to a psychologist at 15 after my dad died and was told I had depression.
I have always had what I called 'panic attacks'. I would sob uncontrollably and pull my hair, punch myself and scratch myself. Then I would go stiff, unable to move or speak, there's a part of me that knows what's going on but I can't stop it, like my body is suffocating my brain and I can't regain control. Afterwards, I'm exhausted and sore and just fall asleep. Now I feel like these could have been meltdowns all along.
There are many more signs but I spoke to my GP and have been referred to the adult autism team, I now just need to wait. I don't know for definite if I am on the spectrum but I feel like I fit too many signs not to be.
Recently, my 4 year old daughter has been having issues. There has been a bit of change this year, we had to re-home our dog and move house. The problem is, she reminds me a lot of myself when I was young and I think she might be on the spectrum. She struggles a bit socially, she is really obsessed with 2 friends and wants to copy things they watch, toys they have etc. Her speech is excellent and she can act ok socially sometimes, others she will hide behind my leg and not speak. She doesn't make much eye contact and has started to line her toys up recently. She hates change, if a toy breaks and we tell her she can get a new one she will scream that she wants that one or the new one has to be exactly the same. She doesn't even want a new toothbrush!
She is an extremely fussy eater, every day after nursery it's like her guards come down and I think she's having meltdowns. She cries uncontrollably and says she can't stop, she's also recently started hitting herself or throwing things. Her teddies on her bed have to be positioned the same way every night, she has issues with listening, covers her ears if something is too loud etc. She will wake up if she smells something funny, for example if my husband or I cook dinner when she's in bed, or even have a shower. It's like she's overly sensitive to smells. We have been really struggling with her behaviour recently and feel like everything is a battle.
Anyway, the main point of my post is I'm terrified. I have a feeling my daughter could also be on the spectrum but I don't think she will get a diagnosis. She masks really well and the nursery have said they have no concerns, apart from the fussy eating and not listening sometimes. I managed to get my health visitor to do a referral, she said there was no harm even if she turned out not to be, I don't know if it's been accepted yet. But I'm scared that they'll just dismiss her instantly, I don't know how good they are at picking up the subtleties in girls. I know I could be wrong and it could be normal behaviour or something else, but I have a gut feeling.
My family also think I'm talking rubbish, they don't even believe it with my son and will laugh if he handflaps 
My mum said none of us 'look autistic'! I just feel like I won't be taken seriously, and the child development clinic will think I'm just some over-paranoid mum.
