I woke up mopey and moped in bed instead of getting to work.
2 things:
I had a chat with a work colleague that I founded our organisation with who has chosen to leave. It was sad and other emotions I don't know how to label, maybe bereft, disappointed, upset. He was upset with the direction of the organisation and how people were relating to him, which is a shame. We all have a different perspective that he didn't fit in: ego, power, and things. It was the right thing he left, but there's feelings associated with him judging us and me, and him feeling judged and pushed out.
And me and Mr Great Guy are hanging out together again. It's going well, as well as I'd hoped, but now I'm a bit stuck for what to do next. We don't half have some complicated dynamics of guardedness, misinterpretting, and struggling to flex our schedules to accommodate each other. So I felt a bit rejected, even though I,ve accidently done more of the rejecting, cos he didn't suggest an extra run. It's also the first time we're properly hanging out since I've read up about AS and I can see how both of our autism is getting in our ways. So it's surfacing all sorts of emotions and frustrations connected to my autistic past.
I am really seeing this last few days how disconnected from my feelings I am, although they're affecting me.
I woke up mopey and moped in bed instead of getting to work.
2 things:
I had a chat with a work colleague that I founded our organisation with who has chosen to leave. It was sad and other emotions I don't know how to label, maybe bereft, disappointed, upset. He was upset with the direction of the organisation and how people were relating to him, which is a shame. We all have a different perspective that he didn't fit in: ego, power, and things. It was the right thing he left, but there's feelings associated with him judging us and me, and him feeling judged and pushed out.
And me and Mr Great Guy are hanging out together again. It's going well, as well as I'd hoped, but now I'm a bit stuck for what to do next. We don't half have some complicated dynamics of guardedness, misinterpretting, and struggling to flex our schedules to accommodate each other. So I felt a bit rejected, even though I,ve accidently done more of the rejecting, cos he didn't suggest an extra run. It's also the first time we're properly hanging out since I've read up about AS and I can see how both of our autism is getting in our ways. So it's surfacing all sorts of emotions and frustrations connected to my autistic past.
I am really seeing this last few days how disconnected from my feelings I am, although they're affecting me.
