PDA

sounds like this helped. you're most welcome :)

Thank you so much!

Also, I found your thread here to be very interesting:

https://community.autism.org.uk/f/parents-and-carers/15510/my-daughter-is-24-has-asd-anxiety-depression-etc---i-don-t-know-what-else-to-do-to-help-her-anyone-else-feel-blamed-for-their-kid-s-symptoms

It seems like you got a lot of help from JennyButterfly's posts; for instance you put:
"The defence mode was my daughter to a t, I'm flabbergasted!" in reply to JennyButterfly

A therapist who knew a friend of mine told me fear is a lack of knowledge.

And then in PDA there's 'intolerance of uncertainty' - and what is uncertainty if lack of knowledge?

It hardly the solves the universe but it has helped me to try and seek more knowledge (somehow) if I do hit barriers. The awkward bit is that some of us would seek knowledge, if only we knew where to start.

Anything that can make life a little easier for those of us on spectrum has potential for being very useful on accumulation basis as life goes. What i mean by this I guess is small steps make a difference.

So, if you open in a new tab the following link (your profile essentially):
https://community.autism.org.uk/members/nas62388

You should see 'About NAS62388' in quite big font

Just above this, I think you should see the following options in a horizontal bar:

NAS62388
Profile | Activity | Groups | Friends | Mentions | Likes | Achievements | Bookmarks | Blog Posts | Questions

If you can see these, then 'Acitivity' second one along is the one to pick.

Note that I'm using a laptop to guide here so if using a mobile or tablet, it may well be different. Let me know if that's the case.

Also, must be being dim, can't see "activity" in the blue bar.... any ideas what I'm doing wrong?

Thank you!  My daughter is huggy but doesn't bounce back easily, however, my older daughter and I (both in spectrum) do.  It affects us all so differently, doesn't it?  She's having trouble coming to terms with the fact that her "freeze" part of Flight, fight or freeze comes from fear, as it's so different from the panic attacks she gets.  It's still an uphill battle, but I hope we're getting there.  I keep on clinging on to the fact that I have changed so much over the years, and hope that she can, too.  I would love it if she could just relax and enjoy life instead of being so scared all the time, and finding everything such an ordeal.  I don't want her to not feel better i herself until her sixties, like me!  such a waste of time.

Past activity can be found by:

Go to https://community.autism.org.uk/members/nas62388
^ this your member profile

Look for 'Activity' in the broad blue bar
Click 'Activity' and you should see all the threads you've posted on I think (?) [at least on the account you're logging in here with]

I'll be quite interested to hear how things are going with your daughter.

I recognise elements of PDA in myself and learning from others is both eye-opening and useful.

I also think (strongly suspect?) my father has elements of it so I'm trying to learn (a bit trial and error) how to make communication between us easier (basically so that neither of us gets too hurt for too long).

 As you say/hint at, so much of communication feels a bit like a battleground.

You've said she's quite 'huggy'? Is she reasonably good at 'bouncing back' from awkward (dare I say hurtful) miscommunications?

I know in my family it's been a case of: bruise easily but bounce back and recover quite quickly (as long as one person gives the right sign of love/vulnerability that allows 'the wound to close' as it were)