It’s been a year, and...

I’m finally enrolled on a level 3 art/design course (despite having lost the second half of my year, thanks to Covid lockdown). And I’m very happy about this, I’ve got somewhere in life and am hoping to advance my textiles and arts/crafts skills for my own freelance purposes. And to start a business in this speciality of mine. I’m particularly fond of William Morris and Claude Monet’s ideas, but have developed various sources of information.

I’ve met some people since, and have had an especially rough route having several incidents with a former crush called Nazish. Who’d id had obsessions with even after she cheated me in February by telling me “I don’t want to be in a relationship” but then cuddling up with another guy on the course, we have several incidents in the process of trying to rebuild the friendship. And have now lost my friendship with once and for all.

I became possessive and emotional over her, since she rejected me on Jan 15th. But am now trying to move away because all attempts to rebuild the friendship went miserably after 2 or 3 months and it’s all to upsetting for me to cope. At first she was like (this was in late April) “hey, what’s up why you stopped messaging did my life story put you off” and then I remessaged her after confusion and she said “you know, I don’t think we can get on too well and why are you still talking to me if you’re telling me I don’t meet your standards and you just want a ‘friendship’” “you’ll tell me this but then you’ll say I take all that back and I have a thing for you” before then everything seemed normal and I was focusing on my studies as before.

before then I’d gone to the national gallery with her and a few others from my group in December. We had a great time and were enjoying the banter and company.

at Christmas I received positive attention, felt important and respected by my peers and could feel happy that the ropes of my past had been broken. I was enjoying pool sessions with the engineering crowd and had little to worry of in regards to my social skills (always needing improvement as always, not going to dismiss).

but since February I’ve developed spending habits trying to upheave myself rather than engage in social interaction and hope people join me. But since then I’ve tried to change and include myself (till damned lockdown ruined it all), I’ve had to cancel my final major project since the college declared ‘it wouldn’t be fair’. I lost a lot of money and have had to save since then.

but I’m meeting up with people (going to plan another with the end of quarantine) and have got past a lot of the challenges I faced before. I’m glad to have experienced such even though I got kicked out of home and had to spend the night in a police cell