Advice wanted for ASD partner - relationship

Hi IV recently been in a relationship with my partner for over 7 months now he's the most caring , loving person. Always laughing together. He did mention how he likes things and routine in certain ways and likes to plan. He has OCD ( slight ) and Autism undiagnosed ( we done a test online due to him joking about possibly having it ) the past few months have been very very hard. He's constantly being negative, repeating old arguements and he forever thinks I am lying about the answers I give. He thinks up senarios in his mind to which he believes are one hundred percent true. He never listens to what I have to say, never believes and can take days to calm down or answer my calls. Is this normal? To bring up old arguements maybe a few days / weeks later ? It just pops into his head and it's like being back at the argument again. He's no trust in me, in anyone. But when we are good we are amazing. Iv noticed a pattern of when we have to leave each other as we are long distance ( and he works off shore ) we both find it extremely difficult to be away but this is when the problems start.  It's really really hurtful and some of the things he says are awful. And he can quiet happily shut me off from his life, I have to do the chasing. I work in a special needs school so I noticed the traits but having a relationship with someone is completely different to supporting children with education. You can constantly see in his eyes he's thinking 24/7 and he admits that he never switches off. Any advice please 

  • Re-read your post as if you were someone else looking in and ask yourself - what advice would you give that person if they were someone you cared about? From an outsider's perspective, this does not appear to be a healthy relationship and it is destructive. He may not be able to help his behaviour, but it does not mean you should accept it. As you say, "It's really really hurtful and some of the things he says are awful." This is domestic abuse - even if he is unable to help his behaviour or understand how it hurts you. Personally, as hard as it is, I would walk away. If you are considering a family at some point in the future, then this is not an environment that you want to bring a child into and it is likely to be extremely damaging psychologically. I am speaking from personal experience. I hope you find happiness and make the right decision for you. 

  • He's constantly being negative, repeating old arguements and he forever thinks I am lying about the answers I give.
    It's really really hurtful and some of the things he says are awful.

    What an awful situation to be in. This sounds incredibly hard for you to live through.

    Autistic people are first and foremost humans, as such, like our PNT peers our personalities are formed by our experiences, morals and determination. This behaviour isn't because he is autistic, it is his personality. It sounds like you are using his neurotype to excuse really poor and abusive behaviour.

    As an adult, you have the choice of whether to put up with a man treating you this way. My husband's step-father is abusive to his mother, as such, he'd picked up some bad behaviour, which he brought into our relationship. I was clear I would not tolerate this and if he didn't change our relationship would be over. He's changed his ways and we are very happy together and now have a daughter.

    Personally I would walk away from a man like this.

    I agree with this point from the poster above:

    If you are considering a family at some point in the future, then this is not an environment that you want to bring a child into and it is likely to be extremely damaging psychologically.