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Our son and his father.

NAS66960

Hi.  I need some help regarding my 18 year old son.  He has been recently diagnosed as having Aspbergers.  

His father has recently been released from prison and will be coming home very soon.  Our son does not want anything to do with his dad.  Our two daughters are fine with it all.

It feels like our son is having problems even acknowledging his dad's existence and won't open up about his feelings about it all.

Please, if any of you have any wise words about how I can help him process all of this I would be very grateful.

Lulu

Parents

  • Hi Lulu, sorry to hear about this and thanks for sharing it.  Your son probably has difficulty recognising or experiencing feelings, so he may not be closing them from you; they could be something he doesn't himself "feel".  For example, when I am very anxious the only thing I can feel is a buzzing sensation in my head and sometimes my back.

    However, he may have anxiety which causes him to "shut down" more than usual. He could be very anxious about change, or anticipation of changes ahead that he can't control.  If you have a good relationship with him, try asking him about anxiety, what is he fearful of; what is the worst that he fears might happen. If you can, try and acknowledge all his fears and not to appear dismissive, even if the fears sound far-fetched.   

    He could be fearful of the unknown. If so, reassure him that you are there for him and that you will do what you can to make things better.  Instead of feelings, he might be able to mention factual things such as :  "memories", "words", "things that happened" or "something he heard". 

  • in reply to Plectrum

    Many, many thanks Plectrum.  

    He used to be extremely close to his dad but now saying things like 'he's dead to me'

    Lulu

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