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Undiagnosed - but are these signs of autism?

NAS66704

So, when I play fifa or similar people always comment that I don't blink. When I'm playing I'm extremely focused on winning. I never start with the default players, I always tinker with something.

I've been told when I was 7 or 8 I would play mario kart and sit and stare at the screen and tug on the neckline of my tshirt or jumper.

I do have an issue with working memory dyslexia that I remember the 'jist' of conversations but often struggle to later recall specific details. I often read emails I've sent maybe 2 or 3 days later and I don't remember sending it at all (I have a very reactive job with a lot going on so this could be a factor) 

If I read a page of a book too fast I need to go back and read it again as the info hasn't gone in. But I can read complex data and understand and action it.

When the dyslexia was diagnosed at 18 I was told I have a high IQ for that age group and that's probably how I'd went undiagnosed until then.

I feel like I think better on my feet, as a problem solver. Show me an issue and constraints (rules/circumstances) and I'll give you a solution or a temporary workaround very quickly.

I give out good life/career advice but then look back at things I've done and think what the F was that?!

I have good spacial awareness when driving but then can look at things on a supermarket shelf and if it was on the floor I would think it wouldn't fit (I'm not explaining this part very well)

I tend not to react overly with emotion during tense or potentially dangerous situations. But I do feel the fight or flight adrenaline responses. I have a sort of lets get on with it attitude, we will be fine, we will figure it out as we go along.

I generally write and spell well, with decent grammar but when handwriting my brain tries to write 'withe' instead of 'with the'. I used to only notice this when reading back. Although since I realised I do this I usually concentrate on writing the 2 seperate words.

My handwriting is also terrible, like a childs. My brain wants to write capitals a lot and I have to really focus not to. My signature could be different on 5 different documents. I know it's weird but it's like I can't remember how I did it before. For things like driving licence I sort of default to just my name spelled out all in caps with a bigger capital at the start rather than what most people would consider a 'signature' 

I'm considered funny but it's reactive funny. Commentary. Sarcasm. I rarely remember any jokes. If I do try to tell a traditional joke I get caught up in detail and say it wrong.

Strangely though I remember funny stories and can retell them. On occasion I go into too much detail for the story. It's almost like setting the scene. Something is funny because one of the people there had this other funny situation 2 years previously. It's not a choice I make.. I'm just telling the story.

I find taboo comedians funny, but not the taboo subject in real life. I struggle with this paradox.

My gf is convinced I'm autistic (she works with high school aged kids both autistic and non-autistic) as when we argue she's all about the emotion and I'm just wanting to break her argument down into segments and then 'disprove' each point with logic.

It's not that I don't understand her POV at least most of the time, but it's like it doesn't make sense to me. I can appreciate how someone else feels but then I can't see how they can feel that way when you look at the situation logically.

I don't usually hold grudges but I'll argue a logical point for hours. I can be outrageously stubborn. I've been accused of being arrogant but I don't feel arrogant, it's hard to explain. If I'm right about something then I'm right, not sure how that's arrogant. I don't think I'm better than anyone. And when I am wrong I admit it on reflection and adapt the new info into my thinking going forward. The exception to this is I will rarely admit I was wrong to my closest pals and will instead try to fudge the argument so that we're both right. I'm not sure why/how I do this it just happens. To be fair that's mostly where the arrogance claims come from. 

In work I use outlook and spreadsheets to track tasks and this is for the most part sufficient but occasionally I'll just completely forget I'm supposed to have done something.

In my personal life I start and don't finish things often. 2 chapters of a textbook. Screenplay started, never finished. Start making plans for events or holidays and then just don't action it. Loads of other things like this that I'm now struggling to remember (surprise surprise).

Recently I've been quite apathetic. Could wake up at 7am and sit and play with my phone rather than getting up. I know I should get up. I watch the clock tick down but I don't. I'm also likely to stay up late even if I know I'm up early the next day. I can't really explain why I do this. But I'm very aware of it.

I always read longer emails 2 or 3 times to make sure I've not got any random words in there. I'll probably read this a few times before I hit post*

*I did and I wrote 'read this a fee timed' first time around. It's like my brain knows I'm near the end of typing so starts to shut off or move onto the next thing

Anyway. Guidance online isn't clear. Thought this might be a good place to ask. Happy to answer any questions if that would help someone advise me if I'm showing signs that they recognise?

This post has been longer than originally intended so thank you if you made it to the end.

P.S. I apologise if any terminology I've used might be considered offensive to someone with autism, I'm just trying to describe my situation in terminology I understand.

Parents

  • It is something that only a trained assessor can really say for sure and this is after putting you through the assessment process, which is something I am waiting to have. 

    I do notice the odd possibility of a trait or two, but nothing absolutely glares at me but I am not an assessor... But I will say that it is a good idea to be assessed for your own personal assurance as there is nothing worse then going through life with not knowing, and having the questions going round in your mind.

    You are very honest and truthful in your observations about yourself. This is a really good thing.

    There is the odd basic online test which I have tried myself. It is just a simple test to find out if you are likely to need an assessment or not. It is not a test to tell you if you are on the spectrum or not. If I remember, it gives you a mark out of 50. I do recommend having a quick read about some of the terms used, like "Stimming" etc as when I first tried the test, any term I did not understand, I answered "No" to... Which does not help! Maybe look up what any of the terms mean while you are doing the test if you can.

    Now most people who are not on the spectrum share the odd autistic trait. The ones I feel sorry for are the ones who have significent difficulties, but they don't have enough traits to be classed as being on the autistic spectrum, as they are (In theory) less likely to get any help. Having autistic traits and being close to being on the spectrum but not being on the spectrum is termed as being a BAP. I can't remember what this stands for.

    An allistic person is not on the spectrum. 

    You may have also heard the terms ND and NT. (Nero diverse (Autistic) and nero typical (Not autistic)). An NT is not on the spectrum but the term is not all inclusive as there are a few who are not classed as being an NT, but they are not ND either, hence the term "Allistic" is used for anyone who is not classed as autistic. (Though most who use the term NT actually mean allistic... This confused me when learning these new terms until someone explained it to me as back in May when I was put on the assessment list, I hardly knew anything!)

    But yes. For your own peace of mind it is worth finding out more about yourself, so maybe one of those basic online tests just to have a guide to having some sort of idea that you may want to be assessed or not, and then putting yourself down to be assessed if you feel you may need it.

    Autism is something that many people don't know they have until they one day get the "Lightbulb" moment when they find out more about it and then things start to slot into place! Some on the spectum suffer all sorts of difficulties. Others not so much. A few lucky ones hardly have any issues and yet are still on the spectrum. 

    I heard that 60% experienced meltdowns, and another 60% experienced shutdowns (Some experienced both). (I can't remember if it was 40% or 60% in both cases as it was a while ago I read this... So at a minimum it is 40%). 

    I only "Discovered" the possibility that I may be on the spectrum after a lifetime of trying to find out why I was having what I have now found out are shutdowns (Mostly in partial shutdown form but on occasions full shutdowns). I have now passed my mid 40's so suffering with shutdowns without even knowing what they are for soo many years and somehow (As a doctor told me they were allergy related) not understanding what was causing them had then pushed me into quite a few hard hitting burnouts and it reached the point where even low hours temporary jobs with plenty of days off inbetween and short 4 to 6 hour shifts (Usually 4) became too much for me, so I became unable to work. (I do hope I can totally recover in the future, as the realization that I had reached the point where I can't continue working came as a shock, but due to the hard hitting burnout I had when I last worked, where each burnout had sunk me down further in a physical and mental way, it occurred to me that if I hit another burnout I would be physically dissabled, as I could hardly walk and in a fragile state after the last one).

    Anyway. Not all those on the spectrum have shutdowns or meltdowns and a few have both, so while if one does experience one or the other or both, it does give a bit of a clue, it does not mean that if you dont experience them that you are not autistic. I am intregued by those who are autistic and yet they have never experienced shutdowns or meltdowns, as to me, I am nearly always thinking about something if I am awake, so it is no wonder my brain goes into overload if I get stressed or I experience a sensory trigger and it shuts down. (Rather like a computer experiencing a fault and it decides to log itself off to protect itself... When I have a full shutdown, I am lying on the floor in a paralysed jelly like state and my vision goes and I have loud tinitus so even if I could hear, I could not hear much or make sense of what I hear).

Reply

  • It is something that only a trained assessor can really say for sure and this is after putting you through the assessment process, which is something I am waiting to have. 

    I do notice the odd possibility of a trait or two, but nothing absolutely glares at me but I am not an assessor... But I will say that it is a good idea to be assessed for your own personal assurance as there is nothing worse then going through life with not knowing, and having the questions going round in your mind.

    You are very honest and truthful in your observations about yourself. This is a really good thing.

    There is the odd basic online test which I have tried myself. It is just a simple test to find out if you are likely to need an assessment or not. It is not a test to tell you if you are on the spectrum or not. If I remember, it gives you a mark out of 50. I do recommend having a quick read about some of the terms used, like "Stimming" etc as when I first tried the test, any term I did not understand, I answered "No" to... Which does not help! Maybe look up what any of the terms mean while you are doing the test if you can.

    Now most people who are not on the spectrum share the odd autistic trait. The ones I feel sorry for are the ones who have significent difficulties, but they don't have enough traits to be classed as being on the autistic spectrum, as they are (In theory) less likely to get any help. Having autistic traits and being close to being on the spectrum but not being on the spectrum is termed as being a BAP. I can't remember what this stands for.

    An allistic person is not on the spectrum. 

    You may have also heard the terms ND and NT. (Nero diverse (Autistic) and nero typical (Not autistic)). An NT is not on the spectrum but the term is not all inclusive as there are a few who are not classed as being an NT, but they are not ND either, hence the term "Allistic" is used for anyone who is not classed as autistic. (Though most who use the term NT actually mean allistic... This confused me when learning these new terms until someone explained it to me as back in May when I was put on the assessment list, I hardly knew anything!)

    But yes. For your own peace of mind it is worth finding out more about yourself, so maybe one of those basic online tests just to have a guide to having some sort of idea that you may want to be assessed or not, and then putting yourself down to be assessed if you feel you may need it.

    Autism is something that many people don't know they have until they one day get the "Lightbulb" moment when they find out more about it and then things start to slot into place! Some on the spectum suffer all sorts of difficulties. Others not so much. A few lucky ones hardly have any issues and yet are still on the spectrum. 

    I heard that 60% experienced meltdowns, and another 60% experienced shutdowns (Some experienced both). (I can't remember if it was 40% or 60% in both cases as it was a while ago I read this... So at a minimum it is 40%). 

    I only "Discovered" the possibility that I may be on the spectrum after a lifetime of trying to find out why I was having what I have now found out are shutdowns (Mostly in partial shutdown form but on occasions full shutdowns). I have now passed my mid 40's so suffering with shutdowns without even knowing what they are for soo many years and somehow (As a doctor told me they were allergy related) not understanding what was causing them had then pushed me into quite a few hard hitting burnouts and it reached the point where even low hours temporary jobs with plenty of days off inbetween and short 4 to 6 hour shifts (Usually 4) became too much for me, so I became unable to work. (I do hope I can totally recover in the future, as the realization that I had reached the point where I can't continue working came as a shock, but due to the hard hitting burnout I had when I last worked, where each burnout had sunk me down further in a physical and mental way, it occurred to me that if I hit another burnout I would be physically dissabled, as I could hardly walk and in a fragile state after the last one).

    Anyway. Not all those on the spectrum have shutdowns or meltdowns and a few have both, so while if one does experience one or the other or both, it does give a bit of a clue, it does not mean that if you dont experience them that you are not autistic. I am intregued by those who are autistic and yet they have never experienced shutdowns or meltdowns, as to me, I am nearly always thinking about something if I am awake, so it is no wonder my brain goes into overload if I get stressed or I experience a sensory trigger and it shuts down. (Rather like a computer experiencing a fault and it decides to log itself off to protect itself... When I have a full shutdown, I am lying on the floor in a paralysed jelly like state and my vision goes and I have loud tinitus so even if I could hear, I could not hear much or make sense of what I hear).

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