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Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and struggle to do so myself.

NAS24919

Hi everyone,

Please help me interpret this - I have Aspergers and struggle to do so myself.

I know that I posted a similar thread on here before, but I just wanted to expand a little, as I tend to worry a lot about things. 

I just please wanted to ask for some help in interpreting this particular response to one of my messages. 

I have had good advice elsewhere, categorically telling em to get off of Facebook - especially when I feel a little bit stressed/under academic pressure. I am posting this thread to ask for some help interpreting one particular response, as now that I have finished my essays for the academic year and am feeling better, I would just like to try and assess the impact of how my posts/ messages (when I have been feeling stressed/under pressure) have been interpreted. Partially so that I can learn from this, by understanding how receiving such messages can make people feel, and therefore stop doing it. Partially because I am worried that i have already made a lot of people angry at me and lose all of the people I was one friends with/spoke to.

I am going to write about one response to a message I received (I admit that I was stressed when sending, and in hindsight, was having a bit of a pity party). 

I think the tone of the message (below) sounds angry at me, and that this person hates me now. Naturally, I tend to worry that not just this person feels like that after receiving my messages, but everyone who I have messaged.

I try my best not to, but I find it hard to help it at times. I just get so stressed and feel so lonely.

Anyway,

I posted to someone who I once knew from school that I was lonely at uni and that I had no friends and that people were calling me names. I felt very down and under pressure at Uni when I did, and think that this person is angry at me now. Do you think this is good advice to what I posted, or do you think this person hates me? He responded:

'First of all you need to chill. You are not a retard. The dictionary definition does not apply to you because you are social and you know how to interact with people. Only you can change your loneliness. Throw caution to the wind. Join a club/society. Ignore those who insult you - you have dealt with worse at school. If you think you have no friends then you are wrong. Look up the definition of friend in a dictionary and apply it to people you know. It's not all about uni work. You need to put yourself out there and friends will come your way.'

Do you think that this is good advice, or do you think that the person who wrote it now hates me and is angry at me? Is this person my friend or have I made them angry at me?

Thank you all so much for any advice.

I go back to uni next month, and whilst I am free from academic commitments, I am doing everything I can to learn how to deal with pressure appropriately so that I don't lose all of my friends/make people angry at me/hate me!

Parents

  • Hi NAS24919, I have ASD too and I'm middle aged now though I can just about remember being at Uni!

    I don't think your friend is angry or hates you, it's just that some people have a habit of writing in a quite matter-of-fact way and also write what they would do without really listening to what's bothering you. Your friend is starting many sentences with "You need to...." which I think belies a lack of empathy and they are making assumptions that what you need is the same as what they would perceive that they need in the same situation. This is a style of writing that bugs me by the way - how can anyone *tell you* what *your* needs are? Despite that, I think it is "coming from a good place" and your friend is trying to be helpful.

    I don't think it is particularly good advice, however they are saying something quite touching I think when they say "If you think you have no friends then you are wrong." - this might be a way that they are trying to say "I'm your friend". They are also paying you a complement by saying that they believe that you will attract friends if you socialise. Not that this is an easy suggestion to follow!

    Hope that helps a bit.

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  • Hi NAS24919, I have ASD too and I'm middle aged now though I can just about remember being at Uni!

    I don't think your friend is angry or hates you, it's just that some people have a habit of writing in a quite matter-of-fact way and also write what they would do without really listening to what's bothering you. Your friend is starting many sentences with "You need to...." which I think belies a lack of empathy and they are making assumptions that what you need is the same as what they would perceive that they need in the same situation. This is a style of writing that bugs me by the way - how can anyone *tell you* what *your* needs are? Despite that, I think it is "coming from a good place" and your friend is trying to be helpful.

    I don't think it is particularly good advice, however they are saying something quite touching I think when they say "If you think you have no friends then you are wrong." - this might be a way that they are trying to say "I'm your friend". They are also paying you a complement by saying that they believe that you will attract friends if you socialise. Not that this is an easy suggestion to follow!

    Hope that helps a bit.

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