Does anyone else have issues with ex husbands just refusing to see what is in front of their face?
me and xdh split up when ds was 2½, we are both remarried (ds now 6) - to be honest alot of our reasoning for splitting up was exdh complete inability to deal with ds - they never really "bonded" tbh and there were alot of arguments about whether i "babied" ds due to his behaviours....... anyway moving on..
Exdh absolutley refuses to acknowledge ds has autism.. everything i mention is responded too with a "oh i did that when i was a kid" or something simaler (i suspect exdh is somewhere on the spectrum tbh as he is completely unable to deal with emotion of any kind and has simalier tendancies to ds in many ways.
Anyway i spoke to him tonight about a particually bad melt down ds had last night and he response just floored me, he said that he cannot understand why ds is so different here as he has no issues with him (this is the same man that has NEVER taken ds out on his own!!!), he even went so far to say that he has "provoked" a melt down but its never happened so he doesn't understand why it happens with me (yeah cos you having him 2 days out of 14 means your an expert yes????????) He basically insinuated tonight that if DS lived with him that his issues would disappear as (and enter absolute maternal rage) his wife is brilliant at calming him down when hes cross!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so in one sentence he insinuated that not only do i cause the meltdowns but also that his new wife is better with my son than i am!!!!!!!! I am beyond livid...... Its me that does the school run, me that is up with him when hes sick or tired or frightened, me that deals with the obsessions, the melt downs, the never ending appointments, me that did the ASD course, that lived at the GP's trying to get the support in place but oh yeah she can bloody cure him can she??????? He even went so far as to ask me if i would put a camera in ds's room so that if he has a melt down and i leave the room we can see if he continues the self harming behaviours when im not there to "play too".
The worst part is we have a psychiatrists appointment in 2 weeks and exdh has suddenly announced that hes coming to it :( im terrified hes going to make it sound like its all my fault and ds's support will be withdrawn (my rational head says that everyone involved knows its ASD and they wont withdraw a diagnosis on the basis of just his say so but still.................... Why cant he just accept it? why make it all my fault?
At the moment im torn between saying "fine why dont you do it for a few months and see how you go? and actually being worried that maybe he has a point... :( Ds doesn't melt down with his dad - That said his dad never challenges him on anything and is happy to just let ds play on the computer all weekend (they rarely if ever go out) - his argument is that he had ds on holiday for 2 weeks and he didn't melt down then (i did point out that i had ds for 6 weeks in school holidays and he didn't melt down then either!!)
Just once it would be nice for him to see it in all its glory.........!! :(
