Published on 12, July, 2020
Are these the same thing or is there some subtle difference that I'm missing? To me "I don't mind" is what NTs say when they don't care, whereas I just say it like it is. People always seem slightly taken aback when I say I don't care, but it's honest—maybe too honest.
Examples: What would you like for dinner? Which shops would you like to browse in? When would you like to book a holiday? How would you like the flower girls to have their hair at our wedding?
I think DuckBread is partly right...
"I don't mind" is 'softer' but there is an implied 'caring' e.g.
Wife: "I'm going out with my work friends on Friday, is that OK?"
Husband: "I don't mind"
= permission for / acceptance of the 'going out' and implies that the husband won't be upset - Wife goes off happy...
vs.
Husband: "I don't care"
= implies that the activities of and/or presence/absence of the wife holds no importance to the husband - liable to result in a row...
BUT - tone of voice & body language will radically alter these 'general' interpretations...
"I don't mind..." suggests that you are accepting of / deferring to someone else's choice/opinion etc.
"I don't care..." suggests that you are dismissive of / attach no value to the thing in question
There are no hard & fast rules though... I tend to say "I don't care..." because:
- black/white thinking
- I have a habit of using 'extreme' language (I love/hate/don't care, things are amazing/terrible never 'nice' or 'ok' or 'I don't mind')
- It's a damn sight clearer than trying to use woolly 'NT' language where the words are less important that the mysterious 'non-verbal' cues of tone of voice, body-language and facial expression.
But that's just me...!
Interestingly (well, interesting to me) this seems to be a common question asked by non-native English speakers e.g. https://www.gonaturalenglish.com/what-is-the-difference-between-i-dont-mind-and-care-in-english-conversation/?fca_lpc_skip=13918
I guess in a way neuroatypicals ARE effectively non-native speakers of their 'mother' tongue as we aren't 'typical' speakers of that language, hence the high rates of cross-cultural relationships for NAs - 'oddness' is put down to cultural differences before neurological ones...
I do teach English to non-native speakers as my day job.....