"I don't mind" vs. "I don't care"

Are these the same thing or is there some subtle difference that I'm missing? To me "I don't mind" is what NTs say when they don't care, whereas I just say it like it is. People always seem slightly taken aback when I say I don't care, but it's honest—maybe too honest.

Examples: What would you like for dinner? Which shops would you like to browse in? When would you like to book a holiday? How would you like the flower girls to have their hair at our wedding?

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  • I think  is partly right...

    "I don't mind" is 'softer' but there is an implied 'caring' e.g.

    Wife: "I'm going out with my work friends on Friday, is that OK?"

    Husband: "I don't mind"

    = permission for / acceptance of the 'going out' and implies that the husband won't be upset - Wife goes off happy...

    vs.

    Wife: "I'm going out with my work friends on Friday, is that OK?"

    Husband: "I don't care"

    = implies that the activities of and/or presence/absence of the wife holds no importance to the husband - liable to result in a row...

    BUT - tone of voice & body language will radically alter these 'general' interpretations...

    "I don't mind..." suggests that you are accepting of / deferring to someone else's choice/opinion etc.

    "I don't care..." suggests that you are dismissive of / attach no value to the thing in question

    There are no hard & fast rules though... I tend to say "I don't care..." because:

     - black/white thinking

     - I have a habit of using 'extreme' language (I love/hate/don't care, things are amazing/terrible never 'nice' or 'ok' or 'I don't mind')

     - It's a damn sight clearer than trying to use woolly 'NT' language where the words are less important that the mysterious 'non-verbal' cues of tone of voice, body-language and facial expression.

    But that's just me...!

    Interestingly (well, interesting to me) this seems to be a common question asked by non-native English speakers e.g. https://www.gonaturalenglish.com/what-is-the-difference-between-i-dont-mind-and-care-in-english-conversation/?fca_lpc_skip=13918

    I guess in a way neuroatypicals ARE effectively non-native speakers of their 'mother' tongue as we aren't 'typical' speakers of that language, hence the high rates of cross-cultural relationships for NAs - 'oddness' is put down to cultural differences before neurological ones...

Reply
  • I think  is partly right...

    "I don't mind" is 'softer' but there is an implied 'caring' e.g.

    Wife: "I'm going out with my work friends on Friday, is that OK?"

    Husband: "I don't mind"

    = permission for / acceptance of the 'going out' and implies that the husband won't be upset - Wife goes off happy...

    vs.

    Wife: "I'm going out with my work friends on Friday, is that OK?"

    Husband: "I don't care"

    = implies that the activities of and/or presence/absence of the wife holds no importance to the husband - liable to result in a row...

    BUT - tone of voice & body language will radically alter these 'general' interpretations...

    "I don't mind..." suggests that you are accepting of / deferring to someone else's choice/opinion etc.

    "I don't care..." suggests that you are dismissive of / attach no value to the thing in question

    There are no hard & fast rules though... I tend to say "I don't care..." because:

     - black/white thinking

     - I have a habit of using 'extreme' language (I love/hate/don't care, things are amazing/terrible never 'nice' or 'ok' or 'I don't mind')

     - It's a damn sight clearer than trying to use woolly 'NT' language where the words are less important that the mysterious 'non-verbal' cues of tone of voice, body-language and facial expression.

    But that's just me...!

    Interestingly (well, interesting to me) this seems to be a common question asked by non-native English speakers e.g. https://www.gonaturalenglish.com/what-is-the-difference-between-i-dont-mind-and-care-in-english-conversation/?fca_lpc_skip=13918

    I guess in a way neuroatypicals ARE effectively non-native speakers of their 'mother' tongue as we aren't 'typical' speakers of that language, hence the high rates of cross-cultural relationships for NAs - 'oddness' is put down to cultural differences before neurological ones...

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