My neighbour keeps trying to invite me in for a cup of tea

My partner and I moved in at the same time as next door moved into their house. When they first moved in, I felt the lady in particular was trying too hard to be my best friend right away. I don't work like that. It takes me ages to decide if someone is a friend and that's because I want them to be not because it's forced upon me. She talks A LOT and is hard to get away from. She also is a know it all which i find incredibly difficult. Anyway,  18 months later we all get on (not bezzie mates though), and I'm really grateful to have GOOD respectful neighbours as I know you can't choose them. She's at home all day with her baby. I understand she gets bored but that's not my fault. It's just, she often asks me in for a brew if i see her. I've done it a few times to keep things ticking over, not cos I wanted to,  but end up staying far too long. It's like I'm trapped. 

I went round the other day to get a parcel after work. I was shattered, it was my first week back in work for almost 3 months. She even said how tired I looked. She asked me several times to stay for tea but I politely declined. I was still there over half an hour. She said several times near the end "we should have had that cup of tea after all. I'll ask you next time and you'll say yes and you'll stay even if you only drink half". (She is foreign so it wasn't as forceful as it sounds, it's how she uses English language). It doesn't matter what I say I can't get away. 

There's just no concept of bending to other people's needs or saying "hello, here's your parcel, goodbye". How do I manage these situations?? I'm a very passive person and slowly learning to be more assertive but when I'm caught off guard or really tired and have less brain power I don't know how to manage it.

Parents
  • Personal past experiences leave me thinking if people are too pushy their after something. I had to move to get rid of a neighbour. I'm left traumatised and cynical. Where I live now I has to talk to the police about a stalker, verbally abusive neighbour. Turns out he had a history of rape accusation so it wasent just me being anxious! Fast forward 3 years and he seems to have given up watching me and following me. (I spoke to the council and no longer leave my bins with everyone elses in the alley as he would follow me. I leave them outside my house) we have the same delivery people so I know he yelled to take my parcel when I was out! I've left a note on the front door explaining who to leave the parcel with only. In my e experience too pushy people have an agenda

Reply
  • Personal past experiences leave me thinking if people are too pushy their after something. I had to move to get rid of a neighbour. I'm left traumatised and cynical. Where I live now I has to talk to the police about a stalker, verbally abusive neighbour. Turns out he had a history of rape accusation so it wasent just me being anxious! Fast forward 3 years and he seems to have given up watching me and following me. (I spoke to the council and no longer leave my bins with everyone elses in the alley as he would follow me. I leave them outside my house) we have the same delivery people so I know he yelled to take my parcel when I was out! I've left a note on the front door explaining who to leave the parcel with only. In my e experience too pushy people have an agenda

Children
  • That must have been terrible and very frightening for you mouse2. Mostly these days you can leave delivery notes when you order something where it should be left if you aren't in. I think you can set something up with royal mail too.

    This is why I appreciate having good neighbours as we do look out for each other. They're not bad people. Their agenda is just to make friends.

    I hope you are feeling safer these days. 

  • This sounds awful - I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I think some people are genuinely just very extroverted and desperately want to make friends, but it is important to be cautious with new people.

    I'm glad he seems to have given up now. It must have been very scary.